Happy Halloween!

The tree in our front yard

Quality family time

Trying to be good parents, Jacob and I wanted to play a game with the kids. Chutes and Ladders was chosen and the setting up of the board began. Within seconds, the bickering started.

"I don't want to be that boy, he doesn't even look like me."

"Well I'm not going to be a boy, I'm a girl."

"I want the one with blonde hair like me."

And then from the couch, in the whiniest, most pathetic voice I believe I have ever heard,

"We don't have a boy without any hair that looks like me!"

I laid my head down on the computer desk in front of me and laughed hysterically. For a very, very long time. My husband can be one funny man.

Some random fall photos

Nobody move...

My inbox is actually empty. That in and of itself is a small miracle. It has not been

empty since this day. And that is a difficult thing for me because I am quite OCD when

it comes to having it cleared out as often as possible. Now don't get me wrong, keep 

sending me emails. I love getting them! But things have been so overwhelming

and intense, I have not been able to take care of everything pertaining to 

emails for about ten days.  Until this second. I feel happy. Ahhh.

Okay, enough happiness. I miss you all. Write to me.

Fall, friends and fun

We had some friends over for dinner tonight. Jacob and I love visiting with Bryan and Rachel,
but it is too bad our kids do not get along or play well or think of funny and ingenious games
to occupy themselves. Maybe we can work on that and have them over again.

You guys are fabulous! Come again soon.

Ruth and Bill

And The First Visitor Award goes to...Ruth and Bill! Our friends from California came
to stay with us last night. They had been on a trip this past week and were headed home
this morning.We absolutely loved having them. We had a great time visiting and
laughing and we just wish they could have stayed longer.

Thanks Bill and Ruth! Come again soon. And thanks for the rake and the sink stopper.
Two of my favorite gifts ever. You two are the best!

Oh, and for those that read both of our blogs, yes I did get permission to steal this
photo from their blog. Seriously how cute and happy do these two look?
And you will also be this cute and happy if you come to visit us.

Goalies

Angel

One year ago today, my buddy Angel passed away. It was a day I was not expecting. At all. I thought he was getting better. I did not realize how sick he had become. His parents kept that quiet and I completely understand. And yet, the shock of hearing that he had passed away shook me to the core. I hated gathering my kids, after they came home from school, and telling them. We all cried a lot.

The first time I laid eyes on Angel, I knew he was different. He is the only child I have met that I honestly had the thought, "He is too good for this earth." And he was. But selfishly, I didn't want him to be. I wanted him to stay and be my little buddy. I don't know why he loved me so much. I wish it was because of the person I am. But it really was not. It was because of the person that he was. His family lived in our same apartment building and we were outside together constantly. Every time we were out there, he always seemed to hang close to me for a good part of the time. He wanted us to be friends. And so did I. I still do.

I will never forget going over to his house, just a week before Christmas. He had not been to school, or outside, in a long time and I finally had to find out why. His family is extremely private and I worried about intruding. But I cared enough about Angel and his family that I had to go. His mom came outside and stood quietly for a minute. And then tears started streaming down her face and all she could say is "It's back." I wasn't sure what she meant, but found myself crying. She finally composed herself enough to tell me that Angel had leukemia when he was four. He had been in remission for about three years. But it was back. And they had hospitalized him. Is there anything you can say to a mother who has just received this news? If there is, I didn't know what is was. So I hugged her and told her how sorry I was. And then I went home and broke down.

Angel stayed in the hospital for many weeks. He came home in February and his homecoming was a bittersweet experience. He was so sick and so weak. Our whole neighborhood stood on the sidewalk leading to his house, while his parents wheeled him from the car in a wagon. His mom asked him if he wanted to go inside. He probably should have because he was so very ill. Just a skeleton of the little boy that I had seen last November. But he didn't want to go inside. He asked if he could just sit on my lap. And he did. For a very long time. He was so light it was almost difficult to feel his weight on me. But the spirit that came from that little boy took my breath away.

And as the months went on, he seemed to get better. It took him a while before he could walk. He was in a wheelchair for a long time. That sweet boy wanted to be with me as much as he could. He came to church with us for several weeks. I would take him in his wheelchair and he would stay as long as he could. As long as his tired body would let him. And then I would leave church and take him home to rest. He came over to the house whenever his parents would let him. He spent long periods of time, sitting on our big chair, watching March Madness with us. And when he would feel well enough, he would come outside to watch the other kids play. And he would sit on a chair right beside me, drawing or looking at books.

He grew stronger and eventually started to walk well and even ride his bike. He loved to play with the kids and his face would light up during his time with them. He still liked to come over to the house when he could and he and I would go on walks from time to time. The last time I saw him, he sat by my side drawing for quite a while. Then he told me he was tired and wanted to go home. I took his hand and helped him up the stairs to his apartment. He smiled at me and said goodbye. I told him I would see him soon. I didn't realize that it would be "soon," but only as far as eternity was concerned.

Right after that, he stopped coming outside. One afternoon the ambulance showed up to take him to the hospital. He came home that night and I was told he was fine, just weak. I wanted so much to see him, but as I mentioned, I hesitated to bother the family because they were so private. And because he was theirs and not mine. But I loved that little boy. With all of my heart.

Just a few nights after he had come home from the hospital, he asked to come see me. His mom slowly walked him over to our house, but I was not there. I had gone grocery shopping. And I've beat myself up about it many times. Why didn't I feel strongly that I should stay home? Or did I and I just did not listen? I'm honestly not sure. How I wish I could have seen him once more.

And then just a few days later, and one year ago today, a neighbor knocked on the door. And told me that Angel had died. I couldn't speak. I had no idea he was that sick. The family didn't want any of us to know. 

In the last 366 days, there have been very few that I have not thought of Angel. My little buddy that was truly too good for this world. And his mom. My mind cannot imagine what this has been like for her. I have been amazed by her strength. I have been able to share my testimony of life after death with her. Several, several times. I have told her I know that Angel is alive and well and that she can see him someday. That her love for him is not just for this life. That it was my privilege to be his friend. And that I look forward to the day that I get to see him again.

I will be forever grateful to Angel. He taught me about friendship and kindness and how to endure well. I miss him so much, but know he is exactly where he should be. Exactly where I want to be someday. But I have a lot of work before I get to that place. And I am so grateful for the chance to keep trying.

A bird or two in the backyard

Overwhelmed, but willing

As we drove to church yesterday morning, we could not believe how beautiful the fall leaves looked. And because of how our hearts felt, we were grateful for that beauty.

Twelve days ago, our bishop called us in and asked Jacob to be the Ward Mission Leader. And then asked me to be the Relief Society President. I was shocked into silence. For a long period of time. Long enough to worry both the bishop and Jacob. Since that moment, I have spent a lot of time in my thoughts. And on my knees. And overwhelmed.

This morning we were sustained and set apart. And now the work starts. We really are excited. And incredibly humbled. And ready to serve.

As our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, has said, "I always want the Lord to know that if He needs an errand run, Tom Monson will run that errand for Him."

I hope the Lord knows that I will run His errands. To the best of my ability. Even when I feel inadequate. I guess, especially, when I feel inadequate. It is the least I can do for Him. Because my love for Him is greater than my insecurities. And I am so grateful He trusts our little family enough to do what is ahead.

I am still overwhelmed. But oh so willing.

SEVEN

Dear Annie,

Happy Birthday my sweet girl! I am so grateful for you and your obedient, happy self.
You are so confident and funny and are always so kind and thoughtful of others. You are
so brave to try new things and meet new people. We hope you had a perfect birthday
and you know how grateful we are to have you in our family. I love you Annie!

Love,
Mom

Happiness

Go Sox!

Today was "Red Sox Day" at the kids' school. They loved wearing their cool apparel.
We have definitely joined the Red Sox bandwagon since moving here. Go Boston!

I know, I know...we haven't changed a bit

In the spirit of Homecoming season, a little something to share.
Oh yeah. Jacob Allen and Linn Davis. Davis High School. 1993.
There you go my friends. Have at it.

My baby boy

Our sweet baby is nine months old. Oh how I love this little man. He is funny and
happy and is growing up so much. He crawls like crazy, loves to pull himself up on
anything and everything, and uses quite a few words. We are astonished at how
many he will say. Things like up, mama, out, dada and peas (read please). He has
six teeth and such a funny smile when he shows them all. We just love our Ben!

And are so very grateful he is ours.

To me

How is it that he knew exactly what I needed to hear?
And then told me in his loving and encouraging way.
I am grateful beyond words. How I love our prophet.

My two favorite days of fall

Librarians unite

Several days ago, I walked into our study to find a book that Jacob had recently read, put on a miscellaneous bookcase.

I called out to him, “Jacob, when you return a book to the study, can you please just put it in the middle of the study table so I can put it back in its proper place?”

He entered the room with a serious face. “I'm sorry,” he said, “I must have missed the memo when I checked out my library card.”

Now really, I don’t see a need for sarcasm here. I happen to take the reshelving of books quite seriously. And I know many a librarian that would back me up.

Matt's first bus ride and preschool field trip

Our nanny is seriously underpaid

We have a nanny. Her name is Megan. She happens to be my younger sister. And she is seriously underpaid.

On our trip to Utah, Meg offered to have us stay with her. She and her family are living in my parents' home while they are on their mission. And as if staying with them wasn't taking advantage of her enough, she made it possible for us to completely be a part of Angela and Justin's wedding. She literally spent the day of the wedding tending our children, then driving them down to meet us at the temple, then walking around the area for two hours while we took pictures, then taking our kids home to feed them and let them rest before the reception, so we could attend the luncheon childless. I should also add she spent hours earlier in the week trying to track down certain items of clothing I needed for the special day that I could not find where we live.

And what did she get for her labors? The only thing we could give her that she couldn't object to. (Well, she would have objected if we had told her beforehand.) Her car tank filled with gas and a few groceries that were really only a drop in the bucket considering what she fed us. But hey, during the two hours she was walking around waiting for pictures to be over, she got this picture of her little Lucy. In my book, we are now even. Okay, we are not close to even, but goodness sake, how cute is this picture? That Lucy is one beautiful baby.

Thank you Meg! You are the best nanny ever!
We might even consider paying you one of these days.

Time to get off of the computer?

Cam: "Mom, what are you going to be for Halloween?"

And before I can answer...

Annie: "Either a blogger or a photographer."

To my incredible husband...

Happy Engagement Day! These have been, without a doubt, the happiest 
ten years of my life. Thank you for marrying me! I love you, L

Tender mercies

I do not have the words to express how I felt about President Uchtdorf's talk during the General Relief Society meeting on Saturday night. I was not able to watch it until Sunday because we were on an airplane Saturday evening, but I still feel emotional just writing about this incredible Apostle of the Lord and the hope and love and peace I felt listening to his message. I am in awe at how much our Heavenly Father loves His children. Every. Single. One. And how He uses others to answer our prayers and help us to feel His love and His approval. I do not say this lightly when I tell you that my life changed while listening to President Uchtdorf's talk. And I will be forever grateful to the Lord for His tender mercies in my life.

(For those of you who might have missed it, you can watch it here.)

Home

Tonight we arrived home from our trip to Utah. And it was more difficult to come back than I thought it would be. Not because I do not love it here, but because my adjustment has been harder than I imagined. And right before we left for Utah, I was really feeling settled and happy about living in Boston. So coming back has brought back a few of those old feelings. Although I am grateful they are less intense than the first time.

There is a reason I did not post about my feelings in our first two or three weeks here. They were hard for me. Really hard. And really lonely. Painfully lonely. I wanted to give up and go home. Many, many, many times. But I find when things are at their hardest, if I just do what I know I am supposed to, even when it is the last thing I want to do, it always works out. And it has.

Our children are truly happy here and have adjusted incredibly well, in my opinion. And my darling husband. He loves his job. And he is so very good to us. Especially to me. Even when I broke down almost two weeks after arriving here and told him I hated it and just wanted to go home. I tried to hold it in and pretend it away. I think it worked really well. But it must have been okay for me to share my true feelings, because I started feeling better with each minute that passed. Note to self, don’t try to hide things from your husband. It makes you both unhappy. And life isn’t meant to be lived unhappily.

But now that we are home, I know what will get me through the difficult times. It is what I have learned since our move almost five weeks ago. It is this simple. Wherever those that are mine—truly mine—are gathered, there is home.

I am home. And it feels right.

Our trip to Utah ~ Part I

We were in Utah the past three days for the wedding of Jacob's sister. Angela and Justin
were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple this past Thursday. We were so grateful to be
there and they were so happy and looked wonderful. We had to make it a
quick trip, but were just thrilled to be a part of it all.

Congratulations Justin and Angela! We love you guys.

The happy bride and groom.

All of the Allen siblings. Angela and her six brothers.

Angela and Justin with all of the nieces and nephews. Too cute!

The Allen family all together.

And one last shot I couldn't resist throwing in. (Thanks for the picture Taunya!)

Our Annie was SO excited to be a part of the wedding. Can you believe the
beautiful princess dresses my mother-in-law's friend made?
Thanks Jannie--you are incredible!