Summer nights and pink hair

 Before and after for this cute girl who wanted to try something new with her hair. It definitely reminded
me of her darling older sister, with her similar look a few years back. I'm glad we could do something
simple and fun that brought Grace a lot of joy today. And grateful I didn't totally botch the whole thing,
because a hair dresser I am not. Pink hair for the win this week. What a darling little love.

Joy, rivers, healing and heaven

These two darlings are already having an amazing summer working together, alongside so many of their
close friends. It's not easy for sure, but has also been sweet and good to be where they can find strength
and healing, and mostly, feel close to Scott and his memory and the tremendous light and goodness his life
continues to bring to this world. Especially at the exact place where Scott found joy being a lead guide.

We think of Scott and pray for his family a dozen times each day. At least. And this picture will
always remind me that loss and joy do coexist. And God loves His children. Even when so much
of mortality feels heavy with grief, heaven will always prevail. I need that reminder so often of late.

Who's going to tell her...

...she's not riding the raft correctly?

All joking aside, this girl is beginning her summer with a bang. Working as a river raft guide in a different location
than the last two years has been exciting to be sure. So proud of her and her amazing, adventurous self.

Kachow

These two went to Moab to spend a weekend camping with some family and friends and
Matt sent me this random picture, just to be funny. And I love it so much. And them even more.

An end to a very long era

First day of elementary school and last day of elementary school. And I would testify in a court
of law that these two pictures were taken just weeks apart. Goodness, time is the thiefiest thief.
And this darling girl is the most amazing little love. I just can't get over how much God must
love me, to let me be her mom. On to junior high for our Grace Susanna. And we are officially
finished with all things elementary school. I can't wrap my mind around it.

At her sixth grade graduation today, Grace was chosen, as one of five students, to read her hello
and goodbye submission. A poem she wrote about what this group of kids would be leaving behind
and what they could look forward to. It was tremendous. Just like our girl. Oh I love her.

He did it!

It’s official! So crazy proud of this incredible boy and how he genuinely makes the world,
and our family, better, because he is in it. Just so honored to be his mom and to watch with
wonder at his goodness and light. Oh this Ben Allen is truly something else.

Ben's senior pictures

This boy (okay, really man, but let me pretend a little longer por favor) is graduating this week. And it absolutely blows my
 mind. Not because he hasn't acted like an adult for quite a while, but because I'm pretty sure his very first day of school
ever was approximately six weeks ago, give or take. Oh this guy is kind and good, athletic and hard working, brilliant
and deep thinking, hilarious and faithful. I'm just so proud to be his mom and to love him and to be loved by him.

Oh, and just for the record, Ben ordered the mediocre amateur package for his senior photos. The one
 where he begged me not to hire a professional photographer, but to take them myself. Good thing he's
so photogenic, because they turned out pretty fantastic thanks to this guy being the most darling.

Seminary graduation

Seminary graduation for this guy tonight. So proud of him. And had to capture a photo of him spinning his diploma
(which isn't obvious in this still photo), because anything that resembles a disc gets spun. Oh I love this boy.

This fabulous group of boys at graduation tonight (with not a single girl their age in our ward oddly).
These are some really tremendous young men and I'm thankful for their friendship to Ben.

Sixth grade field trip with my girl

Sixth grade field trip for our darling Grace and I was grateful to be one of the parents that helped out with it.
Not only did I love watching our girl in her element, with her friends, but the day was focused around the military
and our veterans and I loved all of that so much. It was a happy day, with the cutest girl. I'm really thankful.

A spring piano recital (the last one for our Ben)

This last week, our kids (and their fabulous cousin) had their spring piano recital.
And goodness, this piano teacher they adore. She's the absolute greatest.

Also, my sweet dad showed up to support them. It meant so much to them and to us.

Now back to these cousins. Both of these boys have taken from Emily for almost nine years.
  And this was their last recital, before they head to BYU to be roommates. It took everything
in me not to cry during each of their performances. And while taking this picture.
They love Emily something fierce, which is so well-deserved, and will miss her a lot.

Okay, all the heart eyes for Ben's first piano recital. 

And all the tears for his last.

Oh man, the fastest of eight and a half years. I can't stand to think about how I won't hear
Ben playing in our home on a regular basis come fall. But am so grateful he stuck with it,
never quit and let Emily help him to become an absolutely amazing pianist.
Oh man, the sweetest night with the greatest people. I'm so incredibly thankful.

Ben's full week

Ben had three AP tests this last week. In just as many days. He's so incredible and I'm so crazy proud
of him. And as of Monday at noon, he's officially finished with his fourth and last AP test. Happy day.

And last Saturday, Ben and his good friend Will entered a disc golf tournament. Two rounds in one day, but in different
divisions. And they both took first place. Ben's came down to another playoff and man, what a fun day for both of them.
That boy of ours is officially three for three when it comes to being the champion of single-day tournaments this year.

What I do know

When your child goes through a traumatic event, and you aren’t with them to comfort and help them, it’s a pretty horrific feeling. So to have one of the most amazing people you have ever known be there when you can’t, means something I don’t know how to put into words.

Jacob and I will forever be thankful for Stone. How he supported and comforted our Annie (while they and all of their friends gave everything possible in their heroic efforts to save Scott) brings me to tears every single time I think about it. We are so grateful for Stone for a lot of reasons, but this one, has meant everything to my mother’s heart the last many days.

In addition, I can’t finish sharing my thoughts about this last week until I mention that I am married to the kindest, most amazing human being I have truly ever known. The way Jacob handled/is still handling everything that happened is absolutely incredible to me. There is no one more calm and grounded, more loving and measured in his approach. It blesses every one of us in our family, every single day.

And yet...watching Jacob not be able to get to Annie, when we both knew she had just been through one of the most horrific experiences imaginable, was pure torture. I was doing everything in my power to handle my own feelings and helplessness well, but then to watch the person I love most in the world not to be able to help his girl, when everything in his father’s heart was breaking...it felt like too much.

Yet I am trying to remind myself, as terrible as this experience has been for Annie and her friends and especially, especially, especially Scott’s family, there is something I do know. To be honest, it isn’t a lot right now. I’m hurting too deeply to be much of anything but wrecked and furious on behalf of Scott’s family. But even with those strong feelings I’m sitting with and letting be for now, I know one thing. Through this entire thing, God was and is near. And has wept alongside each of us throughout it all. I do at least know that.

And I have to let that be enough for right now.

Because I don’t have much of a choice to be honest.

But at some point I will.

And He isn’t going anywhere in the meantime.

The greatest gift

When we received the message from Annie early on Wednesday morning, we knew we needed to go immediately. But obviously, with it being near the end of school and our younger kids at home, it was a bit complicated to just take off. And yet, I knew. I knew that all I had to do was ask our older kids to step in and they would come running. And that is exactly what they did. And I can’t get over it.

Taking time off work, coming after work, leaving early in the morning to drive far away to work, all of them staying at the house through the night even though one adult would have been enough, giving up any plans or important things they had for two days to rally around each other and take care of everything without a single thought. In fact, the only thing they told me before we left is “Mom, please just go and get to Annie” and that I shouldn't give anything else a single thought because they would take care of it. And they did. All while praying and loving and worrying for their sister, and especially Scott's family, constantly.

I do not understand why God gave us the six most incredible humans I have ever known, and then allowed a seventh most incredible human to join our family (and let’s add an eighth that is not “officially” a part of our family, but pretty much is and who was every bit as involved in being there for the kids.) But I’m forever grateful to Him that He did.

Being their mother is the greatest gift I have ever been given. I hope they know that. I’ll never stop being thankful for them and to my God for allowing me the honor of being their mom.