Celebrating my mom's life

It was a beautiful day and the perfect celebration of my mom's life. As I said in
the closing prayer, "What a privilege to love her and to be loved by her." 

Cicero Group

A management work retreat for Jacob's company found us in Park City last night.
I love the people Jacob works with. As in, some of my favorite people ever.
And come away, feeling happier and lighter, every time I'm with them.

Stud

This kid is such a stud. One interception, one touchdown and a plethora of awesome
offensive and defensive moves during his game tonight. I'm a fan of Ben Allen.

Deserving of kindness

Earlier today, I took one of our cars to get the oil changed. As I pulled out of the parking lot, it took me a second, as several cars were coming. When there was finally a break, I pulled onto the road, not knowing that another car was flying around the corner into the same lane. Gratefully, we came nowhere near hitting each other, but it obviously annoyed the other driver and she honked angrily at me. She had every right to and honestly, it didn't bother me, because it was my fault and I could understand her frustration.

But as she pulled into the other lane and drove off, I had the thought, "I wonder if she would have honked in annoyance if she knew that I lost my mom last week." I have no idea and to be honest, it really didn't matter. Because that initial thought was quickly followed by a simple prayer, "Heavenly Father, please let me treat everyone I come in contact with like they recently lost someone they deeply love." Because if they did, I will never regret my actions and if they didn't, God loves them with His whole heart, they are His and they deserve my kindness.

Peace

Tonight I stood at the site that will be my mom's final resting place and it felt peaceful
and beautiful and just perfect for her. My sweet dad would never let it be anything less.

Campbell's 19th birthday

Oh my sweet boy, I miss you. Nineteen years ago today, you made me a mom and everything about
my life changed for the better. This is the first time I've spent your birthday away from you and to
be honest, I feel a little like I can't catch my breath. Especially with the news your mission president
had to deliver to you yesterday. I'm so sorry son. I am so tremendously proud of who you have
become and for your willingness to sacrifice everything to bring others to our Savior, Jesus Christ.
Your mother loves you Campbell Allen. Never forget that. And Happy, Happy Birthday my darling boy!

My sweet mom

She is gone. Whenever I think of the reunion with her parents and loved ones, and most
especially with our Savior and our Heavenly Father, I can't quit smiling. But whenever
I think about the rest of my life without my Mom, I can't quit sobbing. I witnessed one of the
most beautiful miracles of my life right before her passing this morning. God is good. Always.

Oh my sweet mom, I miss you so much already.

Sacred, heart-shattering days

I took this picture two nights ago, on my way up to see my sweet mom. I'm here again, sitting by her bedside, in the same chair I sat in during the last few days of my Gram's life. I can't believe we are doing this again, so very soon. This is so terribly awful and so sacredly beautiful at the same time. My broken heart is constantly pleading with the Lord to be near her, and to surround her with those who are waiting for her, as she leaves this life far too soon for any of us to wrap our mind around.

My heart has shattered into a million pieces, over and over again, in the last three weeks. And yet, I can literally feel my Savior holding the pieces of my splintered heart, safe, while we go through this time with my mom. And until the day He can start to put them together again for me. Because He is the Great Healer and Physician and I know I can trust Him to help this loss feel less horrific and life-changing when the time is right. Yet even as I am healed by Jesus Christ, the scars will remain on my heart, until the day I see my beautiful mom again. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

The woman who gave me life, who has made me who I am and who will never leave me, even after the Lord has asked her to be done with her life on earth, deserves nothing less. She is a part of me and my heart will never forget her. I just hope and pray she knows how deeply I love her and what a privilege it is for me to spend every second I possibly can with her during these sacred, heart-wrenching days.

He is doing it

We received Campbell's first letter from the mission field. And his last group of photos
from the MTC. Both made me so happy I could burst. I'm so incredibly proud of him.
It isn't easy, but he is doing it. And making us laugh along the way.

Excerpt of a short letter he sent to his dad today: "I havent eaten anything weird really.
Just beans and rice and rice and chicken and beans and rice and water and beans and rice.
Sometimes ramen and rice or sandwiches. Also we sometimes get beans and rice."


{If you are interested in Elder Allen's photos, they can be found scattered throughout his mission blog.}

Turning five

Oh sweet baby girl, you are so very loved. Five years ago today, you joined our family and we have
been grateful every day since. You are kind, affectionate, hilarious, brilliant, sweet, spicy and just
what we needed. Happy Birthday Grace Susanna! We are so thankful Heavenly Father sent you to us.

Grace's 5th birthday party

Our kids get to have friend birthday parties at certain ages. And it was finally Grace's turn
for her first one and she was in heaven. We invited the kids from her church class, as well
as a few neighbors right next door and it was just a really fun afternoon. And between
marshmallow/toothpick creations, pin the horn on the unicorn, a fun and hilarious
creature hunt and so many kind gifts from her friends, it seemed to be a hit.

It was a happy, happy day for sure!

God's love

The sky that greeted us after visiting my sweet mom and dad. Sometimes life
is really hard. I'm so grateful for my reminder that God is always there.

Arriving in the mission field

On Tuesday, Campbell left the missionary training center and traveled
to the field, to officially begin his work as a missionary. He was able to
briefly email us today to let us know he had arrived and was safe.

"I love it already but it is dang hard. No one speaks English anymore so
its kind of lonely but its so good. My trainer is great, he is a kind of quiet,
really good guy. I pray for everyone everyday and hope you all
are doing great. Thank you so much for your prayers, I feel them."

Life is so very heavy for our little family of late and when I saw his email,
soon after followed by a post from someone on FB who shared some
photos of my boy, I covered my face and wept. I just felt so deeply grateful.

Her last first day of preschool

Finally, her first day of preschool has arrived.
Oh she is a sweet one. And growing up way too fast.

The Davis Nine

You will never meet nine humans that are so different from each other that belong
to the same family. You will also never meet nine siblings who better come together
with love and tears and sarcasm and laughter when it really, really matters. I'm so
grateful for each of them and feel so deeply thankful to be a part of this Davis Nine.

So much happy

Campbell mentioned that he had taken plenty of pictures while in the CTM in Brasil,
but because missionaries can't connect to WiFi, the pictures would be coming our way
when he arrived in the actual mission field. He has been in the training center for
five weeks and heads to Porto Alegre next Tuesday, so imagine my surprise when
around five dozen photos from his WiFi camera appeared in my Google Drive
yesterday afternoon. I think he must have hit a spot of internet on his drive
to the temple yesterday. And I was so happy I cried.

To see my boy, after five weeks, just filled my heart with so much peace and joy.
He looks so good, so happy, so Campbell. And the fact that he took a sky picture,
because he knew I would love it, just overflowed my already grateful heart. His letter
on Tuesday was gold. To get pictures the next day just felt like the absolute jackpot.

What a good, good week.

{If you are interested in Elder Allen's photos, they can be found scattered throughout his mission blog.}

Speedster

Flag football started tonight and this guy kicked it off by scoring four touchdowns, including two
interceptions that he took down the field into the end zone. He's a little athletic, if you can't tell.

Wait...

This morning, I asked all of the kids to get ready for church and please make
their beds. I guess Nate either didn't want to make his bed or was just trying to
agitate the sibling who shares his room. So Grace took matters into her own hands.

She tried a couple of times to take Nate by the hand to lead him to his bed, so he
could make it. When he didn't respond, she held out her hand and to the tune of
Santa Fe in Newsies (can you say obsessed?) sang, "Come with me, take my hand..."

To which Nate responded, "Grace, I'm not holding your hand."
Then pause and, "Wait, why are you singing?"

Dentists and sedation

This little love had to be sedated for some intense work by a dentist yesterday
morning. I'm so grateful to be a mom and to be the one who gets to be here
when my kids do hard things. Sure this little sweetheart a whole lot.

Oh, and the progression of this morning.

Before, recovery, several minutes after waking up and a request to smile,
going home, rest time and finally, what anesthesia?

Oh to recover like a four-year-old.