Our little dancer

Grace's first dance recital ~ Halloween edition

Turning seventeen

Oh beautiful girl, you are so incredibly loved. Seventeen years ago today,
our Heavenly Father blessed us with you and we have felt thankful every day since.
You are happy, kind, hilarious, brilliant, full of faith and creative to the core of your
being. Happy Birthday Annie Linn! We are so grateful to belong to you forever.

Disneyland performance

One of the theater classes that Annie takes gave the students a chance to audition for a trip
to Disneyland where they would perform at the park. Annie made the cut and tonight, all of
those going to Disneyland performed for the parents. It was so fun to watch and I'm beyond
excited for Annie to take a trip next week with this group. She is going to have the best time.

Last flag football games

Family time at the park

Weddings, horses and blessings

Excerpts from Elder Allen's most recent letter (you can read it in its entirety here):

It has been such an amazing week for us. So many miracles and blessings
and I hope that you are all feeling the love that our Savior has for us!

Today was a really good day. I just felt happy all day and there is no good reason why.
Actually thats a lie. I am doing the Lords work and He is blessing me. That was why.

I hope you all have the best of weeks!! My challenge for you this week
(I say that like Ive been doing that but this is the first one) is to read
Alma 5 because it is a BOMB! We can learn so much from that.
 

Love you all! Go and serve!

Elder Allen

Pink helmet, pink rain boots, pink bicycle...happy girl

My memory tree

Just when you think there can't possibly be more kindness
headed your way, you are proven wrong.

I have several high school friends that live outside of Utah. And they all went
in together and purchased a memory tree for our yard. And then my sweet friend,
Adri, who was in town with family this past weekend, brought the tree by.
And she and her darling parents helped plant it. Good grief, just so much kindness.

And now, every time I look out my window, I not only think of my
sweet mom, but of tremendous friends that have been such a huge
blessing to me for the past twenty-five years. And there is no end in sight.

Thank you Adri, Andrea, Rebecca and Natalie and your kind husbands.
I will never forget such a beautiful gesture by such incredible friends.

Picture day

One of Matt's greatest joys is seeing what he can get away with on picture day.

This is only his second year with this mission in mind and I don't even have words.

Yes, this is his actual school ID he received today and yes, this will also be

his official yearbook picture. Could there be a mother more proud? Not likely.

Our beautiful Annie

A few nights ago, the group of young women in our ward that are Annie's age
had the opportunity to have their hair and makeup done and then have an
extremely talented photographer take their pictures. And sweet waffles,
Annie's photo are just plain gorgeous. I just can't get over this girl's beauty.

(A giant "you're welcome" to her future husband.)

But even more important than her outside beauty is honestly that she is just good
as gold in every way. She is kind and happy and hilarious and sweet and talented
and brilliant and sings like an angel and loves the Lord and chooses to do what
is right, even when it's not always easy. I'm so privileged to be her mom. She's my
daughter, but she's honestly one of my best friends and I adore everything about her.

Pictures by this friend and incredible photographer. Thank you Nicole!

My mom's book

My mom's birthday is on June 25th. She loved that it was exactly six months before and six months after Christmas. Just over three months ago, on the evening before her special day, my sweet dad invited us all to a birthday celebration for her. I spent the weeks before trying to come up with a wonderful gift for my mom, but nothing felt right to me. I just couldn't find what I knew she would love. Until just a few days before her birthday.

In some way that only the Lord could have orchestrated, I came across this journaling edition of the Book of Mormon. And I knew immediately it was meant for my mom. Even though it wouldn't arrive until closer to the end of August (it was brand new and the first copies were in the process of being ordered), I felt strongly it was perfect for her and exactly what I should give her for her birthday. I ended up ordering two copies, thinking that we could both read and mark our own, and it would make me happy to know that I was studying the exact same version of the Book of Mormon as my mom. I made a birthday card for my mom and included a page inside, with pictures and a description of what she would be receiving in a few short weeks.

At my mom's birthday celebration, I gave her the card and she seemed sweetly happy about the gift. She said she loved it and was anxious for it to arrive. I felt so grateful I had found something she wanted and could look forward to receiving.

Fast forward many weeks to the end of August/beginning of September. My mom's health had declined rapidly within just a couple of weeks and she was taken to the hospital and put in the ICU for several days. On Tuesday, September 4th, my incredible dad brought her home on hospice for her final days. I don't even have words for the emotion or heartbreak we were all experiencing during that time.

I had seen my mom every day for many days and the morning of September 5th was no different. I was at home getting ready to go see her when a package was delivered. I quickly opened it, in the hopes I could put its contents away and have things tidy and in order when I returned home later in the day. When I pulled the packing paper out of the box, I was stunned into silence.

Both copies of the Book of Mormon, that I had ordered more than two months previous, sat in that box. To be honest, I had completely forgotten about them. They were not even a thought in my mind with everything that had been happening with my mom. I pulled the top one out, saw how beautiful and perfect it was, exactly what my mom would love, and then covered my face and shook with sobs to the deepest part of my heart. My mom would never hold that book, open that book or read a word from its pages. She would never mark it up or share her thoughts on its pages. And I didn't know how to deal with that knowledge. I cried and cried and cried, my heart shattering for the millionth time in the last few days.

As my tears subsided, I realized I had no idea what to do with that book. I felt silly giving it to her when there wasn't anything she could do with it. And to be honest, the thought of presenting that book to her, completely broke my heart. I didn't want to, because I knew I would be a mess doing it. I tried to talk myself into keeping it, as it wouldn't do her any good now, or even giving it to my sweet Annie, to use in her grandma's honor. But my heart knew it wasn't mine to keep or to give to someone else. It was my mom's. It always had been and always would be. It didn't matter if she could use it or not, it belonged to her and I knew I needed to give it to her, like I had planned those weeks previous.

So I sat down, opened up to the first page and wrote a message to my mom. That message is just for my heart and hers, but it was from my heart and it made me incredibly emotional. I could hardly get through it, even though it wasn't very long. I finished and sat for a while until my crying lessened. Then I took a deep breath and walked out to the car with the book, taking it exactly where it belonged.

When I arrived at my parents' house, I walked back into my mom's room. I greeted her as I always did, "Hi, my sweet mom!" and asked her how she was doing. She was fading fast and while she responded, it was soft and reserved. Then I told her I had a gift for her. I held it up, showing it to her and opening to several pages so she could see how beautiful it was in every way. I then asked her if she wanted me to read the inscription. To be honest, I didn't want to, but I worried if I didn't, she wouldn't ever see it. She told me she did and so I read to her. And cried through every word. I couldn't help it. It was such a beautiful, heartbreaking, touching, horrible moment.

My mom passed away eight days later.

Right after her death, I visited my dad at their house. My mom decorated their home and it is truly a thing of beauty. Everything she did was beautiful and their home was at the top of that list. Every room, every space is intentionally decorated in a way that kind of takes your breath away. And so I never in a million years expected that as I walked into their main family area, the book I gave my mom would be sitting on one of her most treasured tables, among many of her beautiful decorations. It doesn't matter if it stays there for ten more minutes or ten more years, just seeing it there healed my heart in a small way that I didn't know was possible.

My parents taught me to love the Book of Mormon with every part of my heart. I initially leaned on their testimony when I was young and first began reading from its pages. But for many years now, my testimony has been my own. It is one of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever given me and I love this book, truly another testament of Jesus Christ, with my whole self. It has changed me as a person, it has made me a better wife and mother and friend, it has taught me to love my Savior in a way nothing else could, its pages tell me every single day that my Heavenly Father loves me and the truth it shares, tells me that I will see my mom again. I don't hope it or think it or want it to be so. I know it. I absolutely know it.

And this picture reminds me of that, and so much more, every time I see it.

My favorite talk ever given on the Book of Mormon. This is one of those talks where
listening to it makes it even more powerful than reading it. It is worth your time. I promise.

He is just so happy

Elder Allen has been in the field for three weeks. His first week and a half was a little
much with the newness of everything, his native companion who speaks only Portuguese,
the news he received of my mom passing away and his birthday the day after. It was
just lonely and hard. But Campbell was both honest about the difficulty and full of faith
and testified that he knew what he was doing was right and that God was blessing him.

The letter just two days ago helped my heart so much as his adjustment is coming along, his spirits
are high and mostly, he just loves being a missionary. He finds incredible joy in testifying of God's
love for His children in Brasil and is just so very happy. Which makes his mother just so very happy.

Love this boy of mine so much I could burst.

Being a mom

Sometimes all of your plans for the day get pushed aside and instead,
you spend the day taking care of a little sickie. And feel so grateful
you have that option in your life. I'm so thankful for how well
Jacob provides for us so that I can just focus on being a mom.
It is such a tremendous blessing in my life.

Little dude

This little dude scored two touchdowns during his flag football game tonight.
I love watching him play, the happiness just oozes out of him.

So, so, so much kindness

Oh friends, I am so completely overwhelmed with your incredible kindness of the past ten days.
I don't even know how I could ever thank each of you enough. I have literally received dozens
and dozens of messages, emails, texts and phone calls. Flowers have arrived, gifts and meals
have been dropped off, sympathy has been extended, beyond what I could ever imagine. I know
I have the greatest group of people surrounding and supporting me, but this has been beyond
what I could ever have imagined. Thank you from the deepest part of my heart. I'm completely
overwhelmed. And wish with every part of my heart I could show a representation of everything
that has been extended/gifted to me. Whether it is here or not, I will never forget it. Ever.

A sweet story I have to share: In between two flower deliveries in less than 15 minutes, our
doorbell rang. Three little girls from the neighborhood stood at our door with a red plate that
had one treat on it. One of them handed me the plate and said, "We brought you this because
your mom died." I gave them each a hug and thanked them and then came in the house and
set the plate on the cupboard. And started to cry. My mom absolutely loved lemon bars.