2020

What a year. In spite of the majority of our year spent together and at home (which was glorious,
coupled with difficult, in and of itself), we still were able to celebrate some pretty remarkable events
and experiences. This year stretched us in ways that were both wonderful and just really hard. I fought
it more than I care to admit, but I also loved it more than I imagined I could when all was said and done.

May 2021 be more kind and gentle than 2020 felt to me, but still as soul-stretching and out-of-
my-comfort zone as would be good for me. (But possibly just exactly that much and nothing more.)
Mostly, may those I love most (pictured in this small representation of the past year) know that they
are everything to me. And that I am a better wife, mother, daughter and friend because of them.
And because of this year. This exhausting, beautiful, heartbreaking, ridiculous, magnificent year.

And to all a good night

 

Little Lamb

Painting by Jenedy Paige

I just finished listening to a talk by Neil Andersen entitled We Talk of Christ. It couldn't have been more perfect on this beautiful Christmas Eve.

Christ WILL come again. I know it as deeply as I know the profound love I have for my children, the intense gratitude I have for my husband and that heaven is completely and beautifully real. It isn't even a question in my mind. And I'm so very grateful.

I love when Elder Andersen said, "Nothing lifts my desire to speak of Christ more than visualizing His return. While we do not know when He will come, the events of His return will be breathtaking! He will come in the clouds of heaven in majesty and glory with all His holy angels. Not just a few angels but all His holy angels. These are not the cherry-cheeked cherubim painted by Raphael, found on our Valentine cards. These are the angels of the centuries, the angels sent to shut the mouths of lions, to open prison doors, to announce His long-awaited birth, to comfort Him in Gethsemane, to assure His disciples at His Ascension, and to open the glorious Restoration of the gospel.

Can you imagine being caught up to meet Him, whether on this side or the other side of the veil? That is His promise to the righteous. This amazing experience will mark our souls forever."

And as I heard those words, my Father in Heaven allowed me, for just a few seconds, to experience the joy of that moment. How incredible and glorious and beautiful it will be. I truly can't comprehend it. But just for a moment, I felt it.

Tomorrow we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. His life changed mine. His Atonement made all I have and all I go through possible and hopeful and good and right--at least in the end. His death and resurrection meant my death isn't all there is, the final word.

He will come again. I promise you it is true. And I'm thankful to the deepest part of my heart for this knowledge. Because to paraphrase the words of one of my favorite Christmas hymns, indeed, "the hopes and fears of all the years [including a difficult and soul stretching 2020] are met in [Him] tonight."

And every night.

With much love

Merriest Christmas from our family to each one of you lovely, lovely people!

A very special day

 
Twenty-two years on the twenty-second. (That's today folks, happy anniversary to
us today!) It's our first anniversary where I've been married to Jacob longer than I
was single before. That makes me so happy. I love him so much. He is good and
loving and kind and handsome and makes everything that is ours shinier and
brighter and more incredible than I could have ever imagined or even known
I could wish for in my life. I'm so grateful he is mine. I'm so honored to be his.

Tonight

I couldn't catch more than a small glimpse of what they are calling

the "Christmas Star" tonight. But this sunset was pretty outstanding.

My darling bookends

We love having him home for the winter break because he makes life more exciting and fun
and full of music and laughter. I especially think Gracie girl loves having him around.

What your incredible kindness has done

 
I have wanted to update all of you incredible people on what came of the post I published on
December 1st. I'm grateful I waited since I've continued to have money come in for Mary's Meals.
It has absolutely humbled me to the core of my being to see what you all have chosen to give.
It is just beyond what I could actually share in words. So instead, I will at least let you know the end
result of Giving Tuesday and what will happen next year because of your outstanding kindness!

Here are the details by number...

37 people donated directly to me through Venmo.

6 people let me know that they donated directly to the Mary's Meals website
(and I'm sure there were more, these are just those that let me know).

$1674 was donated to me in time for it to be matched.

$520 was donated afterwards and was not matched, but still beyond generous.

$2194 was donated in total (from the day I published my post, until right this minute).

$10,564 was the total amount that will go to Mary's Meals in all
(the money that was matched plus additional money given).

503 children in a developing country will receive a meal in their place of education (or in their village if
their school is shut down for any part of that time) for an entire school year because of each one of you.

Oh friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know if you realize that
many of the schools I visited in Zambia last year had around that many children or less.
It is very likely, an entire school of children will eat a nutritious meal on a daily basis,
for a whole school year, because you all are so generous and kind and giving and good.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you from these sweet children.
And I think I can safely say, a sweet thank you from our Father in Heaven who is
so incredibly grateful when we serve any of His children. Especially those who
are actually children at this time. Thank you friends. I'm so grateful for each of you.

#LighttheWorld ~ Gratitude for my amazing parents

This is my favorite picture of my parents. I love it so.

I'm so thankful for my Dad. The relationship that we have, especially of late, matters so much to me.
He is truly my hero. I want to be more like him in pretty much every way. He has an amazing heart,
he serves others more consistently and quietly than anyone I know, he loves the Lord deeply and
has let that love change him into something extraordinary and he is one of the funniest human
beings I have ever been around. He's fantastic. And I'm just so grateful to be his daughter.

And my sweet Mom. I miss her tremendously. Especially during this time of year. But I've been thinking
lately that the Lord would not allow me to know so deeply and perfectly that heaven is real and that
she is there and happy and closer to me than I realize, without making it possible for our relationship to
grow and strengthen, even while we are physically apart for a time. And I'm trying hard to pray and listen
to His voice tell me how I can focus on that relationship with her. I'm so thankful she is my mom.

I'm so blessed to be Eb and Linda Davis's daughter. With their anniversary in
two days, plus the encouragement from the church I love to post about our parents
today, I just feel so much gratitude for them. And pray they always know that.

Snow fun

#LighttheWorld ~ Honoring our ancestors

I wanted to share this story much earlier, but I ended up spending all of the hours with light in them with Jacob's sweet grandma. But now that I think about it, I guess that's also an appropriate way to honor those in our family that have come before us. It was a good day.

Now on to this incredible man. The one I was named after and that had the most loving heart and the most hilarious personality I know. I miss him so much. And can't wait to be with him again.

A whole lot of years ago, I believe when I was about 14 or so, I traveled to a little town in Nevada, where my grandparents lived, to spend some time with them in the summer. On one of those days, my grandpa asked me if I wanted to ride the four wheeler they owned. I was so excited. He filled it with gas, loaded it up in his truck and took me about a mile from their home, to a huge dirt track that people used for riding. He told me to have a good time, but to watch the gas light carefully, so I didn't run out of gas.

Oh my word, the next hour or two was the best. I've always loved speed and operating a vehicle on my own, before I was old enough to have a driver's license, felt like an amazing amount of freedom. I rode and rode and rode. And then, suddenly, the four wheeler died. I hadn't been paying attention and I had run out of gas.

So frustrated with himself and embarrassed to tell my grandpa, but without another choice, I took the key out of the four wheeler and started walking back to their home. When I got there, I apologize profusely, telling my grandpa that I was so sorry I wasn't paying attention and that I didn't mean to run out of gas, especially when he had warned me.

I'll never forget his response. "Oh my honey, I didn't care if you ran out of gas. I just didn't want you to have to walk home. Let's fill up a gas can and we'll take you back and get you set to ride as long as you'd like."

That may not seem like a big deal to most people, but it was to me. It was huge. It was something I have always remembered, has always touched my heart and has always shown me how much my grandpa loves me. He's so amazing. And I want to be more like him.

A happy night

Last night, after a fun virtual Christmas party which included such sweet gifts for the employees
and their family members, Jacob's company paid for our family to go out to dinner. Seriously,
are you kidding me with such kindness? I'm just so thankful for their generosity and goodness.

We had such a happy evening. Jacob and I realized, because of the kind of year 2020
has been, we haven't been out to dinner as a whole family in a very long time. A very
long time. And we chose a restaurant that was quiet and calm and delicious and fun.
And then took these pictures afterwards to remember the night.

I'm so grateful for Jacob's job. I'm so thankful for the wonderful people he works
with and for. I'm so grateful he takes care of us so well. And that his company
is just so kind and good. It was a happy night. I really loved it.

Ski days

I'm so grateful that Jacob is such an incredible skier and that he has taught each of
our kids to ski. Including Gracie girl who just started this year and is doing fabulous. It's my favorite when our kids learn a really cool skill they can do with family and friends (photo of Ben with his two buddies from this last Saturday), as well as use their entire lives.

This good man

I loved the First Presidency Christmas Devotional tonight.
And oh how I loved Elder Holland's talk.

This man is one of my heroes. I've been in his presence (multiple times),
he's given me a hug (lifting me off of the ground), his words have touched
my heart so deeply (more times than I can count)--I just adore him.

And I really, really loved the poem he shared.
I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ. Just so very grateful.

"That night when in the Judean skies
The mystic star dispensed its light,
A blind man [moved] in his sleep,
And dreamed [that] he had sight.

That night when shepherds heard the song
Of hosts angelic choiring near,
A deaf man stirred in slumber’s spell,
And dreamed [that] he could hear.

That night when in the cattle-stall
Slept Child and Mother [without talk]
A cripple turned his twisted limbs,
And dreamed [that] he [could walk].

That night when o’er the new-born Babe
The tender Mary rose to lean,
A loathsome leper smiled in sleep,
And dreamed [that] he was clean.

That night when to his Mother’s breast
The little King was held secure,
A harlot slept a happy sleep,
And dreamed [that] she was pure.

That night when in the manger lay
The Sanctified, who came to save,
A man moved in the sleep of death,
And dreamed there was no grave."

~ The Miracle Dreams by Susie M. Best

#LighttheWorld ~ The Christ Child

 
If you haven't seen the absolutely gorgeous film, The Christ Child, I highly, highly recommend it. I've never seen a more accurate or beautiful production of this sacred biblical miracle. I love it so.

Some of my favorite parts that have me thinking a whole lot...

 

1. A few years ago, my mom asked my dad if he could be any character in the Christmas story, who would he choose. I'll never forget his reply, and I'm paraphrasing here, "I would be the star. I would want to watch it all unfold, but mostly, I'd want to be the one continuously testifying of Jesus Christ for everyone to see."

2. Mary as she looks out at Joseph, expecting a baby and so afraid. I know this look. The one where you are begging someone you love to accept you, as you are, even with your brokenness and hurt and in spite of the questions and unknown and uncertainty. 

3. Mary with her baby boy. Yes, she knew He was the Son of God, the Savior of the World, the Messiah. But in this moment, he is her baby, her son, her Jesus. 

4. More than anything in this world, I want to be like the shepherds. I want to act the moment I am asked. I want to come "with haste" whenever my Father calls me. And I want to do it all with my eyes fixed firmly on Jesus Christ. 

5. I love Joseph. He was so valiant and brave and good, in a situation that must have been so confusing and difficult for him. I felt like this was the moment he not only knew that this baby was God's son, but that God had also allowed Him to be Joseph's son.

6. All of those that are wise, seek Jesus Christ. At all times and in all ways, no matter how long it takes to find Him. I pray I always do the same.

7. Perhaps the most touching part of the entire film to me. This man, though a king himself, knew he was in the presence of our Savior and Redeemer and King. He was humble enough, righteous enough and close enough to God, to accept this not only without question, but with great emotion and gratitude. Another way I always want to be.

8. The manger is empty. As is the tomb. We have a Savior who was born and lived and served and loved and sacrificed Himself for each one of us. He died. But He rose again. And He is with us always. Loving us, encouraging us, pleading on our behalf. He will do anything for us. He already has. I know it's true. All of it.

Our Denali girl

This little lady turned nine yesterday. We sure love her. A whole lot.

#LighttheWorld ~ Peace and calm

Two things that bring me peace and calm--the temple and the rain. The Lord's House and nature.
Feeling the Spirit and experiencing this beautiful earth. I'm so grateful for a God that loves us so much.

Nate's basketball game

Nate boy had a basketball game last night. And he did incredibly well, as you can see
from these blurry photos that I love. He loves playing ball and I love watching him.

Last night, his game was at a local junior high. Which happened to be
the one that I attended. And where I played basketball all three years.

It was pretty surreal to be back there after more than three decades.
So many memories came back--things I haven't thought about in forever.

It was a fun night with my boy. Oh I love him. And the many happy memories
I have of playing basketball. The combination of both, last night, was pretty great.

#LighttheWorld ~ Giving Tuesday

Dear Wonderful People, will you PLEASE take a second to read this post? Pretty, pretty please (this is my pleading font).

Oh friends, today is such a tremendous day! It is Giving Tuesday. And that means one incredibly wonderful thing to me. That means that the $21 that it costs Mary's Meals to feed a child in a developing country, in their place of education, for an entire year (no matter how many times I hear that, I'm just blown away) is matched. By a generous donor. TIMES FIVE. A donation of $21 today, will not just feed one child for a year, but six. Six children from a single donation. It gives me chills just thinking about it.

So folks, I'm not one to beg, but I'm begging today. If any of you are possibly in a position to donate $21 to an organization that is so dear to my heart, it would be matched to end up equaling $126. And six children would be fed, for the entire year of 2021, because of your kindness. These sweet darlings who are not very different from my own babies, from yours, except they were born in a place with less affluence and more difficulty in life. But with just as much joy. Oh their joy.

Here is the link, for anyone who wants to contribute. And I want to remind all of you lovely people, that Mary's Meals isn't just an organization that sounds good on paper. We are closely involved (Jacob serves on their international and their USA board) and know of their goodness, how they are making such a huge difference in the world, how they love and serve God's children so uniquely. It is a beautifully, humbling thing to watch.

Last, for anyone who may want to contribute, but who would rather not go through the whole website donation, I would gladly donate on your behalf. I'll be waiting until 10pm tonight to send my donation. And anyone who would like to Venmo me (Linn-Allen) with their donation, I will do that happily. Every penny of it to these sweet kids.

Oh, what a good day. Giving Tuesday indeed. One tremendous way to serve God's children, those He loves so deeply and perfectly, during such a strange year and in such a much-needed way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you darling friends! xOxO, Linn

New hair, same amazing girl

This beautiful girl got quite a haircut a few days ago. I love it so much and she looks just
darling. I'm just so grateful for her. She's so happy and positive and good and kind. Like most
everyone else right now, this time isn't super easy. But she's doing it. She keeps trying and
moving forward and doing her very best. And laughing a whole lot along the way. She's not
only one of my best friends, but one of my greatest examples. And I love her a whole lot.

A Thanksgiving car parade for my darling dad

He's just the sweetest ever. I love him so much.

#GiveThanks ~ For so very much

There could never be a list long enough, but ending these seven days of gratitude, I #givethanks for all
of following. Plus a whole lot more that my Father in Heaven knows fills my heart up to bursting.

• The beautiful earth. I never tire of this truly gorgeous place my Heavenly Father gifted us with, in order to work out all of this mortal stuff. It takes my breath away on a regular basis.

• A home that keeps our family safe and happy and together. We have moved so very many times and I can honestly say, home is where my seven favorite souls are at.

• My sweet Dad and his support and love and how he has taught me, on a deeper level, to trust my Savior. None of us will ever know how deeply he misses my mom or how much time he has spent alone with his thoughts, but he is always positive and faithful and kind and loving and good. Always.

• My beautiful guardian angel Mom in heaven. I miss her deeply and would give almost anything to call her today and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. But I know she is close, her love for us has only increased and that I will see her again some day. I know it.

• The way that Jacob works so well to provide for our family. Because of his hard work, and especially because of the Lord's incredible kindness, he has had opportunities that when I stop to truly think of them, blow my mind. We are so blessed that he takes care of us so perfectly and that he is truly changing the world with his talents and good heart.

• My sweet Gram and darling Grandma Cammy. They taught me unconditional love. And I miss our talks, knowing I could call them for anything and that they made me feel loved, loved and more loved. Like my Mom though, I know they are close and we will be together again someday.

• For my life. It is beautiful and messy and difficult and joyful and just as God intended it to be, in order for me to truly trust Him. I wouldn't change a thing. And I'm so grateful for it. Just so, so grateful for every single bit of it.

Happy Thanksgiving friends! Sure grateful for each one of you.

#GiveThanks ~ The Book of Mormon

At the beginning of the month, I had a strong feeling that I should listen to the Book of Mormon.
In its entirety. Before the end of the year. And so I sat down to figure out how to make it happen.

And even though I've read this glorious book many, many times, I have still been surprised
at how hearing the words of this book, for a long period of time each day, has affected my life.
How it has changed me and filled my days with light and happiness and confidence. How I feel
calmer and kinder and more love and gratitude toward my Father in Heaven and His Son.

I love the Book of Mormon. I know it is true. With all of my heart, I know it is another testament of
Jesus Christ and it was written for us, by ancient prophets, because of God's love for all of His children.
I'm so very grateful for it. Just so grateful. And am excited for the next thirty-six days of listening still to go.

#GiveThanks ~ The temple

Oh I miss being in the temple. More than I ever thought possible. I'm so excited for the day
when I get to go again. But in the meantime, I know the promises and covenants I've made
inside are sure and strong and eternal. And I thank my Heavenly Father every single day
for the blessing of temples here on earth. I love the peace and calm and joy they bring
me so much. And can't wait to walk through the doors the second I am allowed back.

#GiveThanks ~ My six darlings

Six pictures of my six darlings that I'm so grateful for, I could burst. What it took to get them here,
becomes increasingly incredible and miraculous, as time goes by and I get further away from those
years of worry and pain and bed rest and emergencies and pleading that each pregnancy could
somehow end with a baby in my arms. I'm just so honored that God would let me, someone so
imperfect and full of impatience and flaws and struggles, be a mother. Especially to these chicklets
who are full of happiness and light and hilarity and goodness and a love of their Savior and those
around them. They are just the best. And being their mom means everything in the world to me.

#GiveThanks ~ My incredible husband

I'm just so beyond grateful for this man. By his side, I am happier, more faithful,

more content, more secure, more adventurous and more of the person I promised
my God I would become. He makes me laugh, he holds my hand through every pray
and he gives me a million chances to keep trying. He is my greatest encourager and
deepest love. The life we have created together makes me emotional with gratitude.

Oh I love Jacob Allen.

#GiveThanks ~ My Savior

I'm just so grateful for Him. Everything I have is because of His grace and my Heavenly Father's love.
It overwhelms me to think of the fact that They are always close, always perfect, always making
possible what is best for me, always good. Always, always good. I'm just so thankful for Them.

#GiveThanks ~ Our prophet

 

I'm just so profoundly grateful for this incredible man, the prophet of the Lord.
His goodness, his vulnerability, his humility, his beautiful prayer he had us all join
him in at the end. And the two challenges he he gave us for the next seven days--
it was just so sweet and good and completely filled me up.
I'm so thankful.

I feel lighter and happier and more sure (if that was even possible) that God loves
His children in a way that we can barely comprehend. But is real and right and
individual nonetheless. And one of the ways He shows that incredible love is by
giving us President Russell M. Nelson. A prophet of God, a prophet to the world.

I'm just so very grateful.

Accidental beauty

I really love this picture Matt took of the snowy mountains the other day. He wasn't even
trying to get a good photo, just attempting to look up close at the view. That is when you

know you're a good photographer, when many of your amazing pictures are accidental.

Snow

 
I finished my marathon this week (26.4 miles to be exact), but my view
the last two days of the week were a little different than the first four.
Linn Allen exercising in snow. Who would have thought?

Zambia has my heart

 

 

Exactly one year ago yesterday, I stepped onto a plane and traveled to Zambia.
I still have a hard time talking about it, because the experience continues to feel so profound
and life-changing and sacred to me. I so love that incredible country, the beautiful friendships
I made, the wonderful mission and goodness of Mary's Meals (how I came to love it even more
than I already did)--all of it just means so much to me. But the children. These gorgeous
Zambian children. They completely stole my heart. And I'm so much better for it.