Today

Today has included a morning walk, the washing of our sheets, mixing more natural
and safe weed killer (safe and killer in the same description, lovely), a routine visit to
my neurologist, a sweet note in the mail from a friend, driving carpool for the last time
this school year and sending out my monthly blog update email to many I love...and then
getting it returned to me from Grandma's email address because I still forget that she moved
to heaven. Oh mortality is wonderful and weird and hard and good. I'm so grateful for it all.

Our God and miracles

One of the greatest blessings, for me, of Jacob's calling as high councilor is that I regularly get to hear him speak in front of different church congregations. And that was the case this morning.

I wish I could put into words how incredible Jacob's talk on miracles was earlier today. It was masterful and one of the best I've heard him give. Believe me when I tell you that is saying something.

I have experienced miracles in my life. So many, many miracles. They are never something I deserve, but are always something that bring me to tears and remind of God's goodness and kindness and love and majesty.

Our God is a God of miracles. I know that as deeply as I know anything. And when we look and truly see and hear and truly listen, we will recognize them in our lives and in the lives of those we love.

What an incredible blessing. And how deeply thankful I am today for the reminder of one of God's greatest miracles He has ever gifted me with--Jacob Ethan Allen. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude.

El jardín

I'm very hopeful this is a case of "better late than never."

We sure are fancy at our house

Just walked into the house to the music blasting and this sight.
I'm honestly dying. I had no idea she even knew what a DJ was or did. 

 

And yes, that is a laundry basket, some paper plates and the headphones for our van DVD player.

Half way there

One down, one to go. I'm so grateful to have this tremendous boy of
ours completely protected in the very near future. Oh I adore him and
his hilarious self and amazing heart. I just love being Ben Allen's mom.

Celebrating grandma

What a beautiful day to celebrate Grandma Dawn. The only thing that mattered to
me during my talk is that I testified of my God and my Savior, and that I honored
sweet grandma. I pray I did both. It was a wonderful, difficult day. Oh I miss her.

This amazing guy

This amazing child of mine. Today he spoke in his sacrament meeting in Provo and

Jacob and I had the chance to drive down and listen to him. I loved his talk so much.

And kept feeling tempted to video it (don't worry I didn't) because he's just so darling
and incredible and I'm the luckiest to be his mom. Oh this guy, I just really love him.

Matt and his talented self

 

Here by popular request (finally)...Matt's last three school pictures, all in one convenient
location. I believe we can all agree that this boy has talent. He's just really fantastic and
I'm kind of freaking out then in a few short days, he will officially be a senior. I'm not ready
for that I can assure you. So I'll just focus on the fact that we'll get to add one more picture
to this collection relatively soon. Now that is definitely something I can get behind.

My Aunt Joan

My sweet Aunt Joan. She is my grandma's sister, my mom's aunt and one of my favorite people
I've ever known. There was never a second she wasn't kind and loving to me. And after I lost my
grandma and mom so close together, she made a huge effort to reach out to me for many months.
She will never know how much that meant to me. It pulled me through some really hard days.

There were six days between when her husband graduated from mortality and she did. And without
going into details that aren't mine to share, that is both a heartache that can hardly be imagined
by her children and grandchildren and the sweetest love story I've witnessed in a long time.

Please give my Grandpa, Gram and Mom a hug from me, Aunt Joan. A really big hug.
You are already missed. But I'll see you soon. Sure love you a whole lot.

Sweet grandma

She's done. Peacefully, in her sleep, her heart gave her permission to return home to that God who gave her life. Of course I have my selfish, emotional moments, but they are few and far between. Mostly, I just feel so grateful and happy for her.
 

You did it Grandma. You did it.

After thanking the sweet hospice workers and being there as the funeral home took her body away, I just sat in her home for a hour or so alone, feeling such gratitude and love, I couldn't stop the tears.

We've spent so much time together the last few years, I wouldn't know how to count it. And I wouldn't want to. It wasn't about time, it was about serving someone I loved deeply and having her return that love and service right back. I'm so grateful for the time with her. Especially the last week plus, when I was with her every day but one. Those memories, especially the one yesterday as I saw her for the last time here on earth, are sweet and sacred and I will cherish them forever.

Unexpectedly, leaving her home this morning was harder than I imagined. Knowing I wouldn't be back, after spending a huge amount of time there, makes me feel a little lost. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm not headed back up tonight or tomorrow, to sit and talk and laugh and hold her hand.

But as I told her before they took her body away this morning, "I love you so much Grandma. I'll see you soon."

And I will.

Especially according to the new time zone she has entered. I can't wait.

Oh I'm happy for her. And miss her already.

Love you my sweet Grandma. Thank you for always being there for me when I needed you most. Please stay near.

Junior Prom

Matt and his beautiful prom date, Kella.
So grateful for these wonderful pictures and for the fun night these two had.

 

 

 

 Picture credit: ProlineImagery

My Uncle Elwin

 

My darling {Great} Uncle Elwin. What a sweet celebration of his life today.

My aunt once told me that anytime she mentioned my grandma or mom
to Uncle Elwin, he always asked "And how is our Linny doing?"

It sure made me emotional today to honor a good man who was always so kind to me.
Oh heaven is getting some amazing ones. But there are still some tremendous people
here in mortality with me. And I was so grateful to see and hug several of them today.

Prom night

 
My boy. On his way to prom. He's just the best and I adore him so crazy much.
I can't wait to see the group photos of him and his date, but in the meantime,
I'll just keep staring at this picture of our handsome Matt. I'm so honored
my Father in Heaven trusted me to be his mom. He's just tremendous.

Little darling

A walk around the park tonight with this little chicklet. Talking and laughing and smelling
flowers and seeing baby ducks. I just love this little firecracker something ridiculous.

Timp Half

Jacob and his fabulous brother, Jonathan, ran the Timpanogos Half Marathon on Saturday
morning. You know just 13.1 miles, several of those straight up a mountain. As you do.

All joking aside, it was crazy hard. But they did it. It was truly inspiring to me
to watch what they accomplished. And it made me so grateful for their fabulous
relationship. They are both good to the core. And amazing trail runners.

Quite the combo I'd say.

Mourning with those that mourn

I spent several hours today thinking about why the Lord entreats us to "mourn with those that mourn." And it has been such a blessing for me to ponder on this for an extended period of time.

In answer to that and in what feels quite obvious, I think the Father of us all wants us to be with each other exactly where we are at. In the grief, tears, heartache, sorrow and discomfort of those around us. Not trying to fix things or offer platitudes or force the silver lining or bright side on others. That isn't our job. The Lord will offer them His peace and safety and comfort, when it is right and when it is best for them to be able to receive it. Our job is just to be still, let Him be God and allow ourselves to be there for those who need us most.

In addition, I had a strong feeling during my pondering that yes, mourning with others is for them, but it is also so incredibly important for us. It changes our very nature in ways I don't believe we can change through other avenues. It makes us more compassionate, softer, less selfish, more aware, more like our Savior. And I most certainly need all of those attributes more fully in my life and in my heart.

Today was a beautiful day. Not an easy day for several family members I love so deeply, but still gorgeous in it's own way. Because mourning with those that mourn is exactly what our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ does for each one of us. It seems like the least we can help do for the rest of our siblings.

God's commandments are such a privilege to follow. How I want to always remember that.

Note: I don't have words for my feelings about that bottom picture. I so want to be like my Aunt Julie when I grow up.

Today

 Today I spent some alone time celebrating my mom and her life.

I still miss her so much. One day closer.

Our amazing girl

And then this beautiful Annie girl. She also finished her first year of college and I think
it's safe to say that her second semester was the best (not that doing online school while
living in your parents' home isn't fun...but it's not). These roommates had such a tremendous
influence on Annie (and knowing our girl, I'm sure she was also a wonderful influence
on them), never mention that they had might have had fun, fun and more fun together.

Annes is back home until she leaves in three months (I can't even think about it
without crying), but also has a super cool job in Provo she will be doing several
this summer. Ahh, this girl is amazing. It is such an honor to be her mom.

Golden hour

The golden hour, comp soccer and being with the three youngest and their darling dad. It was a good night.