Challenges and blessings

So I have not written about what is happening with the house situation and I feel like I should. Not because I think you are all sitting on the edge of your seats wondering, but because I need a record of it and there are some of you that are interested and have been thinking of us and praying for us. And we appreciate it more than you can ever imagine.

It has been a hard week. Monday the first house fell through. I was sad and emotional for a few minutes and then Jacob and I decided just to move forward. Our next house on the list would be a wonderful option. It was a little more than the first, but well worth it. So we contacted our realtor, who contacted the realtor for the other house. He said the owner actually lived in Israel and he would email him and have an answer for us soon. Possibly even Monday night. In the meantime, we kept moving forward with two other homes we thought could work for our family.

To keep this account to a minimum, Tuesday came and went. Wednesday came and went. And finally, on Thursday morning, our realtor called to say that the other realtor had finally gotten a hold of his client and that his client had failed to mention to his own realtor that the people currently living in the home had changed their mind the previous week and were staying another year. A bit of a sock in the stomach for us.

We were disappointed, but moved onto the third option. Now by this time it was Thursday afternoon. And that may not seem like a big deal, as it was only three and a half days since we had received the call about the first house. But for those of you who have gone through something similar, each hour seems very, very long. At least it has for me. And the day we were headed to Boston was fast approaching. But I thought for sure Friday would be the day things would be resolved.

By Thursday night, applications were filled out and sent to the realtor of the third house that we felt good about. And when our realtor had not heard anything Friday, he called the other realtor. Several times. With no answer. And when he finally got a hold of him, the man claimed he had never received our applications. And had not checked his voice messages, so he did not know our realtor had tried to get a hold of him repeatedly. So the applications were sent again. With a follow up phone call. Which was not answered.

Saturday morning came and I was more than sure we would have things settled by nightfall. For sure, either the third or fourth house was going to come through. Hope springs eternal. We continued pursuing the fourth house, while attempting to contact the realtor of the third house. (For those of you thinking we must have the worse credit alive, we actually have wonderful credit and great references and even a dollar or two to pay the rent. And for those reasons, we just could not make sense of this all. But we kept going.)

When our realtor finally got a hold of the realtor of the third house, he once again insisted he had not received the applications (for the third time), nor had three messages been left on his phone. He said if our realtor wanted, he could fax the applications to his office, but he did not work on weekends, and did not want to go in on Monday, and could maybe get to it on Tuesday. Super, super strange. And while I do not want to call this older gentleman a liar, I am not convinced he was telling the truth. And I am really not sure why and what the problem was. But the third house was marked off our list. And we are still waiting for an answer on the fourth house.

Late last night, Jacob found an absolutely incredible home while searching through our options again. But it was almost Sunday, so we have not been able to act on it yet. And that has been a good thing. Because we needed to step back, take a deep breath and be still. And tonight we feel a lot of peace.

I have felt all along that this would work out. But I am not extremely proud of how I have handled each of these disappointments. I have handled many of them well and many not so well. I have been more frustrated with the kids than I should be. And more quiet and solemn than is like me. (Although, I’m not sure many close to me would complain about that.) And I have cried about it. Several times. And I have worried about it. A lot. And even lost some sleep to it. And I never, ever lose sleep over anything. And so while I know these are not abnormal reactions, I also know that I need to remember how many times I have felt it will all work out. Because that is all that matters. And the process, while difficult, is not what is important. Because the outcome will be the same. But how I handle myself is the true test. And I want so much to handle it well.

We are so grateful we were able to fast today. I am not a great faster (is that a word?). I fast every month, but it is hard for me. I get quite shaky and quite sick. And the minute the time for the two meals are over, I quickly close my fast. But today was different. And fasting did not feel hard for me. I fasted longer than I have in a very long time. Because I needed to show my Heavenly Father that I trust Him. And that I have faith that this is all happening for a reason. That He has a place in mind for us. And while I would love for all of this to resolve itself sooner than later, I would love even more to be able to observe myself handling this with faith and not fear. And that is the scripture, or small part of a scripture, that is running through my head today. Doubt not, fear not. And each time I begin to get worked up about this, I repeat this in my mind. Because with all of my heart, I know our Heavenly Father is aware of us. And what happens to us. And what matters to us. And what breaks our heart. And what brings us joy. And I want so very much to show my love and trust for Him.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Compared to so many hard and horrible things that happen to others, this is pretty inconsequential. But this is a big deal to us right now. And with all of our hearts, we want to do the right thing. And knowing that so many others are thinking of us, cheering for us, and praying for us, makes this silly little problem better. You cannot imagine how much you mean to us.

And as if this post is not already too long, here are the words to a hymn that has been running through my mind for almost two weeks. I love this hymn.

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
Oh my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
Join the great throng, Psaltery, organ and song,
Sounding in glad adoration!

Praise to the Lord! Over all things He gloriously reigneth.
Born as on eagle wings, safely His Saints He sustaineth.
Hast though not seen, How all thou needest hath been
Granted in what he ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy way and defend thee.
Surely His goodness and mercy shall every attend thee.
Ponder anew, What the Almighty can do,
Who with His love doth befriend thee.

Praise to the Lord! Oh, let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath breath, join with Abraham’s seed to adore Him!
Let the “amen,” Sum all our praises again,
Now as we worship before Him.