My Gram

Two nights ago I received a call from my aunt. She wanted to let me know that my grandma had been experiencing some abdominal pain and had passed out. Although she lives alone, she just happened (there was absolutely no coincidence) to have several women from her ward there for family home evening. They quickly called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital where she was in the ICU and they were trying to find out what was happening.

It has been a long time since I felt so sick to my stomach and so worried about someone. And considering how close my grandma and I are, I'm not sure I've ever felt that sick to my stomach. I asked my aunt if I needed to come and she said that things would likely be fine until morning and then they would know more. That made sense logically and I thanked her for calling and asked her to please call me if anything happened, no matter the time.

I got off the phone and just cried. This was the first time in 11 years that I was actually in a place where I could be with my grandma and I didn't know if I should go now or wait a day or two to be of more help. Mostly though, things didn't look very good and I was terrified something could happen. I could not wrap my mind around that and didn't even want to.

Jacob and I talked about all of the options and I just didn't know what to do. Finally, Jacob said that it definitely made the most sense to wait until morning (as it was already around 10pm by then), but that maybe I should go pray and see if I felt anything specifically. I did just that and had a strong feeling to leave that night. Which was not what I was expecting at all. I didn't necessarily feel like something was going to happen to my grandma, I just felt like I needed to get on the road.

I didn't mention my answer to Jacob yet, just talked to a couple more family members about how my grandma was doing, including my sweet mom who I had emailed and who was so sad to be so far away and not be able to have the choice of when to go to St. George to be with her mom. By the time all of that was over, it was nearly 11pm. Without mentioning my answer, I asked Jacob if he would pray about it. When I get emotional about something, I always second-guess my answers and wonder if having my emotions be so involved influences things too much. Jacob was still leaning toward going in the morning. He knows that I cannot stay awake at night and that especially, I am not a person that can drive long distances without having someone else help out.

Jacob went into the other room to pray and I spent that time praying for my grandma and trying not to worry about how things looked. Jacob came back into the room and said kind of quietly, "I feel like you should go tonight." I could tell he didn't like the idea, but the answer was clear.

I quickly packed my bag and drove out of our driveway at 11:30pm. Jacob made me promise to stop the second I felt even a bit tired and get a hotel. I promised I would because it just isn't worth the risk of driving while you could even remotely chance falling asleep.

Well, one of the greatest miracles of my life happened. And I don't say that lightly. I drove through the night, arriving at the hospital at right around 4am. I had stopped one time and had not felt drowsy at all. I quietly went into my grandma's room and let her know I was there. My uncle was sleeping in her room with her and so after letting them both know I would be back, I went out into the parking lot of the hospital and slept in my car for about two hours.

I woke up just before 7am and after trying to make myself look like I hadn't been driving through the night and sleeping in my car (it didn't work), I went up to see my grandma. I was then able to spend many hours of that day with her and was there when she turned a corner and they were able to put her in a regular room and get her out of the ICU.

That evening, after talking with some family members, I was planning to sleep in my grandma's room to be with her. And then head home sometime the next day, as things had improved enough for me to feel comfortable leaving and returning within a few days or a few weeks. I left the hospital around 7pm to go get some things I needed from my suitcase (that was at my grandma's house) and as I drove to her home, I began feeling more and more uncomfortable and sick to my stomach. Within a very few minutes, I felt strongly that I needed to go home and that I shouldn't go back to my grandma's hospital room in case I caused a problem with her or anyone else.

I called my brother to tell him I was sorry I couldn't be of help that night and to please tell grandma that I loved her and that I would be back as soon as I could.

And then I started driving home. And wondering how in the world I was even going to make it five minutes, never name five hours. I had literally had two hours of sleep in the last 36 hours and had already driven through the night just hours ago. I called Jacob and told him I was coming home and that I would absolutely stop the second I got even a little tired.

And then the second miracle, in less than 24 hours, happened. I drove through the night, stopping only once, and arrived home not too long after midnight. Jacob talked me through the last 15 miles or so and I knew about a mile from home things were not looking good when I was actually talking to Jacob and started wondering where I was and why nothing around me looked familiar. Which made perfect sense as I had only driven that road hundreds of times in my life. It was so good to be home.

Here is what I know.

Our God is a God of miracles

I already mentioned the two trips through the night, but in addition, the only reason I could go to St. George at the time when I needed to be with my grandma was because Jacob's business trip had been cancelled that week. And that may seem like a small thing, but Jacob has been traveling every single week, save a couple of holiday weeks, since the end of September. He had never had a trip cancel.

In addition, our kids were off school the day I was in St. George. Again, that may seem small to many, but to me it was what made it possible to go. Jacob had a very important meeting the morning I was in St. George that he had to be to. And because the kids were home for a teacher prep day, they could tend each other while Jacob left for just a few hours. It wasn't a coincidence to me.

Family is more important than anything else

It has been many years since I was able to even have the choice to go to family who needed me. We have lived away (far away) for so long, I really haven't had that choice. But I could this time and no matter how much sleep I lost, how crazy the day I spent in St. George was, how awake or with it my grandma was, I needed her to know that I would do whatever I needed to in order to be with her. I love my Gram and she has been there for me over and over and over again. Our daily talks mean a whole lot to me.

In addition, coming home to my family was one of the greatest feelings I have felt in a long time. I love my husband and kids fiercely. I make no bones about it and it is the privilege of my life to be a mother and a wife. I feel that often. But coming home to them, after the stress of the last 24 hours did something to my heart that I have not felt in some time. I honestly don't know how I could be as blessed as I am to have my husband and my children, but I am. And oh how I hope they always know that.

Our prayers are always answered

My grandma is okay right now. And the seriousness of the initial problems, along with a huge scare when her already struggling heart went out of rhythm, make that a miraculous statement.

After several hours of her heart being out of rhythm and strong medication not helping it get back to where it needed to be, the doctors decided they would have to shock it into rhythm. And no one, including the doctors, wanted to try that because of how fragile my grandma's heart has been since last year. It was not a good situation and to be completely honest, I was terrified we would lose her. I asked our kids to pray as hard as they could until they brought in the equipment to shock Gram's heart. Then I went back into my room and started to do the same. Within two minutes, I had a text from my brother. They had come into the room with the equipment to start the procedure and before they could do it, my grandma's heart started to beat normally. I am crying again as I type that. I immediately left my room to go and tell my kids and as I walked toward our kitchen where they were all gathered, I heard them praying for their Gram, asking that her heart could be fixed. I am crying even more as I type that.

Also, I don't know why I was supposed to leave that night instead of waiting until the morning. I imagine it was to have a little bit of time with my grandma before so many others showed up. But the reason doesn't really matter to me. When my Heavenly Father answers my prayers, I hope He knows I will do everything I can to always follow that answer. I cannot get over the fact that He helps us with everything that we need help with and then blesses us when we follow His direction. His kindness and goodness are overwhelming to me.

This is a long blog post. One of the longest I have written in some time. But it was important for me to do so. This is where I keep a detailed story of our life as a family. This is where I keep photos that make me laugh, stories that make me cry and millions of blessings that the Lord blesses us with. And this story of my Gram is one of those. It had to be included.

In addition, I want the world (or all five of you who read this blog), to know how strong my testimony is of my Heavenly Father, my Savior, Jesus Christ and of the restored gospel found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The life I have because of these and the blessings that come with the privilege it is to know what I know, with zero question and zero doubt, are beyond my wildest imagination. I couldn't have dreamed up such an amazing, beautiful, difficult, fabulous, crazy, incredible life if I tried.

I'm so very grateful.