2017

In all honesty, 2017 was one of the hardest years of my life. I don't have the ability to convey the amount of pain I was in, on a daily basis, with very little relief if any, for almost nine months of this year. The degree to which I had to fight to be the mother and wife I wanted to be makes me deeply emotional just thinking about it. It was just so hard, for so long.

And yet.

God never wastes anything difficult we go through. Never. And yes, an absolute and complete miracle happened to diagnose and thus treat my incredibly strange brain disorder, and I found relief. And not a day goes by that I still can't believe the life I am now living versus the one I dealt with for more than a year. But even without that miracle that makes me cry every time I think about it, God is still good. He still comforted, sustained and supported me when I didn't know how to do it one more minute, never name many more months. And my Savior, the only One who knew wholly and completely what I was going through, never left my side. Not once.

So I will always look back on 2017 and feel gratitude to the deepest part of my heart for all of it. Every single bit. Because God's path will always be greater than mine. Because of where it leads me and to Whom it leads me to.

And as if all of that isn't enough. He gave me Jacob. And Campbell and Annie and Matthew and Benjamin and Nathan and Grace. I will spend the rest of eternity thanking Him for those gifts. And it will never be enough. But I'm not looking for my meager attempts to ever be enough for His goodness and glory and greatness. I'm just looking to show gratitude every possible second I can. And to come until Christ and someday, to be perfected in Him.

Farewell 2017. You changed who I am. And I thank my Father in Heaven every single day that you did.