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And I just feel overwhelmed.
What we are all going through isn't easy. For any of us. I can feel the depression I have been gifted in this life, stepping closer, retreating a bit and then crawling close again. I am constantly reassessing the line between being mindful and watchful, diligent in my self care, overly alert with my mental health. And breathing deeply, doing my best, loving those around me and not focusing too much on what I can't control. It is a dance that feels precarious and I want to do it well. But it isn't easy.
And then. Then, there are people dying. There is worry and fear. There is frustration and loneliness and pure grief. Some of it from a virus, all of it from being mortals in a mortal world. That sometimes shatters hearts and makes it hard to breathe. Life feels fragile and strange. And the seriousness of so much that surrounds us also makes many of us feel shallow for wanting some time alone or the chance to grocery shop without empty aisles and social distancing.
All of it is hard.
Yet oddly...my overwhelm today comes from joy. And peace. And gratitude. And a knowledge that my God is the same God as He was four weeks ago, four months ago, four years ago and four thousand years ago. He is literally our Father. He gave His Son. To me. To you. To all of us. Because of love.
Unimaginable.
None of what has happened of late has taken our Father in Heaven or our Savior by surprise. They aren't scrambling to figure it out or wondering what to do next. They know. They just know. And if I will trust Them, truly trust Them, I will also. That is why I am overwhelmed. Because I'm so undeservedly blessed. And I want nothing more than to make sure They know how grateful I am. Through my actions, my prayers and my faith.
Sometimes, overwhelm is a good thing. Like today.
Like right now.