A special day and a darling grandma

 
This sweet lady turned 92 today. I feel so thankful for her life, especially given all that
she's been through of late. And I'm just so honored to be her granddaughter and her friend.

This sweet, sweet boy

Oh, I love him.

Yesterday (but actually Sunday, when she didn't have her classes)

Turning nineteen

Happiest Birthday to my amazing Annie! She is kind and artistic and hilarious and brilliant and
gorgeous, both inside and out. She loves lettering and creating and lemonade and sunsets
and music and making life happy for everyone around her. It is an absolute honor to be
her mom and her friend. Happy Birthday my darlin' girl! You are so ridiculously loved.

Sweet Grandma Cammy

I could feel some sadness coming on a few days ago that I really couldn't pinpoint or find a reason for. Things have been really intense for me lately, so I let it go for a day or two, before I did the work to figure it out. The craziness of this year has made it so that I often have no idea what day it is, sometimes it takes me longer than it should to even figure out the week or month. But when I realized it was the beginning of October, my heart immediately knew what was going on.

The anniversary of Grandma Cammy's graduation from mortality is today. And the degree to which I miss her and the deep and profound impact she had on my life, made it so that my heart knew what was coming, even if my mind hadn't yet figured it out.

Being a part of Grandma's life for nearly 21 years was one of the greatest blessings the Lord has ever given me. Especially the last two years, as we became so close. She sincerely made me a better person and treated me, how I believe that God treats each one of us, more than any other person in my life ever has. I miss feeling the way she made me feel because she is the ultimate cheerleader and listener and laugher and lover of people.

So last night, as I was falling asleep around 12:30, knowing exactly what today was, I just cried. I cried out of selfishness and sadness and the strongest desire to once more sit in her presence and have her words and kindness and love make me feel the way she always made me feel.

Heaven is so blessed to have her. And gratefully, knowing that is my ultimate goal, I know that once we are together again, we don't need to be separated. That brings me an incredible amount of peace. But today, I'm just going to be sad. Because as I told Jacob's uncle (one of my favorite people in the whole world), when he called me exactly one year ago, to let me know she had passed on, "I don't want to live in a world that Grandma isn't a part of." Yes, today I'm just going to be sad. But tomorrow I'll work on peace. And know the Lord will send it to me.The same way he gave me the gift of Grandma Cammy. How I love and miss her.

{I love this picture of sweet Grandma and our darling Nate. He is named after her (Kathleen Grant and Nathan Grant) and has her incredibly sweet and good and happy personality. So much goodness in one simple picture. I just love them both so much.}

What I believe

Dear Friends,

I believe this is the most important election of our lifetime. Oh my word, does it ever matter. More than I think some of us realize ​or​ will admit. I believe I don't get to stay in my comfort zone and vote for what may be easy for me or less concerning for those who know me. I believe that the hours and hours and hours I've spent studying and reading and truly trying to understand, do make a difference.

And my intenti​​on is not to rock the boat or upset people or cause hurt feelings or put anything in anyone's face. Instead it is the stand up strongly for what I believe, because of how much our country and this moment matters. When my children and my grandchildren ask what I did at this pivotal time, for a country I love with every part of my heart, I want to tell them that I stood​ for what I knew was right. That I stood​ with my black brothers and sisters. That they mattered enough to me to go against the party whose conservative values I do relate to in many instances, but not at the expense of unkindness and racism and dishonesty and injustice. Never at that. Never, ever at that. I stand with women who have been brutalized and then cast aside, like it matters so little and should just be considered a part of life. With all people of color who are being abused and hurt and taken advantage of and who feel angry and scared and alone. With those with disabilities, who are being made fun of​ and then left to suffer​. Not on my watch. Not ever on my watch. I stand with science and unselfishness and wearing my mask to protect others. Because I care about them and want to show that​ in this small, powerful, unselfish way​. I stand with those with mental illness and substance abuse addictions and​ cheer loudly for their struggles when they are overcome, as well as when they are fighting through them, tired and weary and feeling broken and overwhelmed. And oh my word, do I stand with the military. You will never know the depth of my feelings of gratitude for those that have served and continue to serve our country (many of them close family members of mine). But I know my heart and I know that God knows my heart and anyone who criticizes or belittles or turns their back on that kind of sacrifice, will never be for me.

So while I have never put a political sign in my yard in my lifetime, there is one currently there at this moment. And the part of the sign that matters equally as much to me, as the names it advertises, is the bottom portion which reads, "Make America kind again."

I am a follower of Jesus Christ, first and foremost. And that means that I need to make the proper choices in word and in action. I fall short of that constantly. But I keep trying, because it matters so deeply to me. Because He matters so deeply to me. And in my moments of prayer and fasting and introspection and wanting to do what is right, I know without question that I've been told that no matter what a person professes their policies are, if their actions constantly convey unkindness and hypocrisy and racism and abuse and selfishness and dishonesty, those matter as much, ​​and even more so in ​most cases, than their professed policies. Character matters. A lot. If I wouldn't feel comfortable letting a person into my home, to be around my family, to talk to my children and to spend time with those I love, my vote will never be for them. Ever.

My prayers for this country are constant. As I said in a recent post, I know God loves America (as well as every other country)​.​ I know He does. And He has blessed it immensely. And will continue to do so. But He also asks us to stand up and make a choice and ​​to put in the work to make the best choice possible. I know that my choice is the right one for me​ and for what God has put on my heart​. It doesn't mean that I won't love any one of you who choose differently than me. Difference doesn't equal unlikability. But you'd better believe that ignorance and unkindness, instead of proper conversations and an intent to understand, both from others and especially from myself, are required. At least to be in this space and in my life. I have a duty to my family and to myself and especially to my God, to do all in my power to fill the world with as much light and goodness and kindness and acceptance and love as possible. I'll keep trying to do that, for my family, for my country, for my God. He does that, and much, much more for me, on a daily basis. It seems like the ​​least I can do for Him.

God has indeed blessed America. And my decision to stand up, as kindly and respectfully, yet ​​firmly and strongly, as I can at this time, shows Him I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for Him. For His children, no matter their color or gender or struggles or failings or differences or similarities. I stand with God. And firmly believe He loves every single one of His children. And anyone who consistently says or acts as though this isn’t the case, isn't for me.

​But someone who I truly believe loves his country and people in general and who wants to do what is best for those that call this nation home, even if I am not in agreement with every policy that could be made, will go far further in my book than someone who openly and derisively does the opposite. Life-changing, country-altering damage can just as easily be a result of the corrupt and dishonest actions and character of another person, especially in a position of leadership, than by the policies a particular leader may or may not put into action.

Thank you friends. For taking the time to read what I feel strongly about. Whether you agree or not, I do appreciate the time spent. I choose not to go into this election without standing up for something I believe so, so strongly in. Especially at such a crucial time in history.

Take care wonderful people. I'm grateful for you. I'm thankful for every kind encouragement and every respectful disagreement. And mostly I'm grateful for each one of you. Thanks for letting me share my heart. It matters so much to me at this time.​

xOxO, Linn

Hear Him

It's general conference weekend, it's general conference weekend.

Did you hear me people, it's general conference weekend?!

Ahhh, my favorite weekend of the year.

September 30th

Twenty-two years yesterday, Jacob Allen asked me to be his wife. Lucky, lucky me.

And as an added bonus for all of you, a picture that Jacob keeps in his wallet,
of one of two high school dances that we attended together. You are mighty welcome.

Always

That last photo was shared before the presidential debate yesterday. Obviously.
But after listening to some inspiring and beautiful words from a church leader I absolutely
adore and then playing It Is Well with My Soul by The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square
(admission: it took multiple times through), I feel calm. And am reminded that God is in
charge. He has earned my trust and He has it. I love my country. And I believe God does
also. He has blessed America and He will continue to do so. My responsibility is to
turn to Him. And He will bring me peace. He always does and He always will.

(Nonetheless, I have grounded myself from any future debates. Good grief, Linn Allen. What were you thinking?)

Happy

One last photo from Sunday night. Because there are a lot of things about life that

make me happy, but sunsets and laughter would definitely be near the top of that list.

{Photo credit: Annie Allen. Laughing credit: Annie Allen.}

My girls

When I took this picture last night, I knew immediately it would be one of my
favorites for all time. I love it so. And these girls of mine a million times more.

Tonight

Sunflowers and sunsets with my girls tonight. Oh I love them a lot. A whole lot.

This man

I love this man so much. This was after he finished coaching his second soccer game of the day
(still had one more to go). As we were leaving, I ran into several friends of mine and we got
talking. And rather than rush me or be impatient at all, he laid down to soak up the sun and
rest a little. And when I was finally finished, he jumped up and insisted on hauling everything
to the car, while asking, "I hope you didn't feel hurried at all, because I wanted you to have as
much time as you wanted to talk." Jacob Allen is the best. I just really love being married to him.

God is awake

When the world feels strange and keeps getting stranger; when the divisive, unkind, ridiculousness
of what is happening in our country makes me feel tired and frustrated and discouraged; when people
I love are struggling and hurting and feel a little lost; I look out at the sunset and remind myself that God

is in control. And that is enough. More than enough. As Victor Hugo once wrote, "Have courage for

the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished

your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." God is indeed awake. I'm just so grateful for Him.

Love

 
I've been thinking a lot today about what matters and what doesn't. And this picture Grace
asked me to take a couple of days ago feels like it sums up my conclusion quite nicely.

Homecoming

Homecoming group pictures for our Matt boy and darling Edie. They are just the cutest and I love that this huge group of friends is just so happy and hilarious and has the best time together. (Photos courtesy of one of the other moms and I'm so grateful for them.)

This boy of ours

Homecoming dance for this handsome son of mine tonight. It is a smaller, edited
version of the regular school dance (not hosted by the high school of course), but I'm
so thankful he could go. Because of the pandemic, he missed prom in the spring,

so I was so happy this dance worked out. And can't wait to see the photos of him

with his darling date, who I adore. I just really love Matthew Allen. A lot.

Yesterday (but actually Sunday, when he was home from college)

Turning twenty-one

Happy, Happy Birthday to my incredible Campbell! He is brilliant and hilarious and handsome
and kind and the ultimate optimist. He loves soccer and people and making those around
him laugh and Brasil and serving others and his Savior. It is one of the greatest privileges
of my life to be his mom. Happy Birthday my amazing boy! You are so outrageously loved.

Missing her deeply

It's been an incredibly hard week. Not only because the second anniversary of my Mom's
death was coming up, but mostly, for some other intense and emotional and taxing
reasons, filling up my days and nights, and hurting my heart in ways I wasn't
prepared to handle. Oh life can be rough and the agency of others can sting.

But.

But. These hard seconds and days and weeks (and dang it, sometimes even months
and years) make what the Savior was willing to do for us that much more incredible
and hopeful. It makes my knowledge that He never leaves our side that much more
beautiful. It makes His unimaginable love that much more enveloping and perfect.

Oh I don't deserve Him. But I will thank my Father in Heaven for all of eternity that
the gift of His Son was given to me in spite of that. Actually, likely because of that.

And it is precisely that gift, and my sure knowledge of Jesus Christ as my Savior and Redeemer,
that makes today a little bit easier to bear. It helps me to smile alongside the tears and to pray for
healing that I know He is willing to extend. For this day. For this week. For the second, two years
ago exactly, that my Mom took her last breath and returned home to that God who gave her life.
.
God is good. Jesus Christ is peace. And heaven is real. So very real. And because I know these
three truths to the deepest part of my heart, I will keep trying. Stumbling and falling and running
and skipping, and often clawing, myself forward. To a place that I once knew and lived. And a
Father in Heaven and a Savior who love me beyond imagination. It's where I belong. Always.

Two more years closer to being with you again, Mom. I miss you so much.

Today, this week, this lifetime. Please stay near. Because I'll never stop needing you.

Sacred days

The most sacred three days spent inside these walls. It is such a privilege to be
with those who need it most. Especially those I love like sweet Grandma Dawn.
I believe God put me on this earth to show love, especially to some very specific
people. And then He gives me these amazing opportunities to do that
in some really special ways. I just feel so thankful and humbled.

And my incredible family. They never once, during all three of the twelve-hour
days, acted like it was a problem to step up or help or have me gone during some
important moments. And Jacob, oh I love that man I married. So supportive and
encouraging and protective and kind and good to me. I'm so honored to be his.

Life is hard. Life is wonderful. Life is good. I'm so grateful I get to
experience mortality. Even when it breaks my heart a little. Or a whole lot.
It is still amazing and hopeful and full of opportunities to love.

Never forget

"People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace

and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life
and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it."

~Thomas S. Monson

Yesterday