2017

In all honesty, 2017 was one of the hardest years of my life. I don't have the ability to convey the amount of pain I was in, on a daily basis, with very little relief if any, for almost nine months of this year. The degree to which I had to fight to be the mother and wife I wanted to be makes me deeply emotional just thinking about it. It was just so hard, for so long.

And yet.

God never wastes anything difficult we go through. Never. And yes, an absolute and complete miracle happened to diagnose and thus treat my incredibly strange brain disorder, and I found relief. And not a day goes by that I still can't believe the life I am now living versus the one I dealt with for more than a year. But even without that miracle that makes me cry every time I think about it, God is still good. He still comforted, sustained and supported me when I didn't know how to do it one more minute, never name many more months. And my Savior, the only One who knew wholly and completely what I was going through, never left my side. Not once.

So I will always look back on 2017 and feel gratitude to the deepest part of my heart for all of it. Every single bit. Because God's path will always be greater than mine. Because of where it leads me and to Whom it leads me to.

And as if all of that isn't enough. He gave me Jacob. And Campbell and Annie and Matthew and Benjamin and Nathan and Grace. I will spend the rest of eternity thanking Him for those gifts. And it will never be enough. But I'm not looking for my meager attempts to ever be enough for His goodness and glory and greatness. I'm just looking to show gratitude every possible second I can. And to come until Christ and someday, to be perfected in Him.

Farewell 2017. You changed who I am. And I thank my Father in Heaven every single day that you did.

December phone pics

When a child, who will remain nameless, burns some food so terribly your entire kitchen fills
with smoke, you throw open the windows and bring in the fans. And once things are slightly less
smokey, the fans begin to be used as entertainment. And you capture fabulous photos like this one.

For my Dad's birthday celebration, we decided to prepare for and then put together refugee
kits for darling people all over the world who might need them. We worked through
an organization and I was asked to buy all of the supplies (with the generous donations
of several of my siblings) and have them ready for my Dad's party. The kids were gone
with Jacob while I was buying and organizing everything we would need. When they
walked into the house late the evening I was ready to pack them all up, Nate took one
look at everything and asked Annie, "Did Mom start couponing while we were gone?"

My sweet dad

That man in the middle is one of my greatest heroes. And celebrating his upcoming
80th birthday with my siblings and their spouses was such a privilege last night.
We ate, we laughed, we were able to bless the life of several refugees and we became
emotional a time or two because we adore our dad so much. It was a good night.
But we sure missed my one brother who couldn't make it and my mom who was sick.

And then this morning, one more celebration for this sweet dad of mine. His grandkids (and greats)
all came to give him a hug, sing once more to him and eat breakfast together. My sister asked me to
show him this picture on her camera after she took it and while showing it to my dad, I asked him if it
made him happy or overwhelmed and he answered, "Yes." There were twelve grandchildren missing
(including greats and spouses and great-grandchildren). We so missed those who couldn't be there.

And lastly, I'm so thankful to have this picture of our kids with their granddad.
And even more grateful for my wonderful dad and his huge influence in my life.

Thank you so much for the wonderful photos Kate, Tara and Madison! I'm so grateful.

Fun with family

Jacob's brother and sister-in-law and their family hosted a family get together right after
Christmas for a couple of days. Jacob took the kids up and they spent time playing
games and laughing and visiting and skiing and playing in the snow and just being
together. They loved it and my cute mother-in-law sent me this darling picture of a few
of the cousins. We are so grateful for family and time with them during the holidays.

He's my favorite

Happy day

Being in the temple with Jacob is my favorite, but being in the temple
for the sealing of my sweet niece and her new husband, with my dad
as the sealer, was absolutely wonderful. I cried so many happy tears.

Congratulations Dru and Paul! We are just so thrilled for both of you.

Snow fun

 We have the nicest neighbors ever.
And not just because they let us play with their fabulous toys.

I just really love being a mom to these six darlings.

Christmas morning

Our morning. Simple and calm and peaceful and perfect.

Christmas Eve

Our sweet grandmas

 

We love these grandmas of ours so much and love visiting and laughing with them.
We are so grateful and know how blessed we are to have them as a part of our lives.

Nineteen years

These coordinates that I wear on my wrist belong to Zollikofen, Switzerland.
Where a beautiful LDS temple stands. Nineteen years ago today, I walked into
that temple holding hands with Jacob Allen and walked out his wife for eternity.
He had my entire heart, the least I could do was to take his name.

So much kindness

I don't know that there is a better feeling in the world than being truly understood without having

to explain yourself. So having received some really sweet and wonderful news, yet heartbreaking

for me at the same time, it meant the world to me to have my sweet friend completely understand.

And not only understand, but bring flowers by two days later and a card that made me laugh

and then cry. Having people choose you, who don't have to, is a pretty amazing feeling.

Seminary assembly

This beauty was chosen to speak at the seminary assembly today (just like a regular
assembly, but focused on the gospel) on the topic Service Doesn't Mean Look at Me.
It Means Look at Him. She wrote a beautiful talk and will deliver it wonderfully well.
That is the thing about Annie, she is all goodness. I just really love her.

Our favorite Christmas tradition

I've read this book aloud to our kids every December as far back as any of them can remember.

And I've never once read it, that I don't hear my Dad's voice instead of mine. I laugh at the

same places he did, because I can't help it. And I become emotional at the end, at the
same point he did every year. It is easily one of my favorite Christmas traditions ever.

But my far, the best part of the book, was anytime my dad had to take off his glasses

and wipes his tears. Because he was laughing so hard. It was the absolute best.

Ultrasounds and kidneys

Just for the record, a kidney ultrasound is much less exciting than a baby ultrasound.
But since I'm not too many weeks away from forty plus one, I think I'll take the boring version.

And for you kind people worrying, don't. (For your mean people not worrying, seriously,
so much rudeness.) The medication I currently take to get rid of the excess spinal fluid
my overachieving brain produces, makes me a little more prone to kidney stones,
so my neurologist is just being preventative. All is well and lovely.

Merriest Christmas!

 

From our little family to each of you, a very Merry Christmas!
With all of our hearts, we rejoice in Christ!
We love Him, we honor Him, we adore Him.
And are grateful this Christmas season for so much goodness
that exists in the world because of His birth and life and atonement.
We are so deeply grateful for our many blessings, with each of you on that list.

With much love, the Allens

Ben's first piano recital

Ben boy had his very first piano recital today and he was amazing. I love watching our kids work
consistently toward good things. We also loved hearing Ben's cousins perform and are especially
grateful for their recommendation of such an incredible piano teacher. We absolutely adore her.

Colors

 Today was red day at preschool and this little sweetheart
was excited to wear her Mexico shirt.

And while I had her attention, I had to capture the first shiner anyone in our family
has received, at least that I can remember. Those kitchen stools are pretty fierce.

Christmas stockings and island peninsulas

A few years ago, in one of my greatest mothering moments to date, I put my children in charge
of each other's Christmas stockings. It has become one of our (possibly the) favorite Christmas
traditions. Which in and of itself makes me so incredibly happy. But the fact that they each
work hard the first two weeks of December to earn the money to spend on their chosen
stocking gifts is kind of the best. Because right this moment, the grossness under our
huge kitchen peninsula is being scrubbed clean and my life is feeling pretty awesome. 

It really is the most wonderful time of the year, isn't it?

My sweet Gram

Grief is such an interesting thing. This will be my third Christmas without my Gram
and yet it was only a week ago that the thought entered my mind that while she could
obviously no longer give our kids a Christmas ornament each year, we could most
definitely buy an ornament each year for her. And that is exactly what I've done in
the last few days--added three Christmas ornaments to her tree that represent my
darling grandma. I love them so. And already know what I want to buy next year.

Christmas dance

My beautiful Annie and her handsome date for the Christmas dance last night. 

My handsome Campbell and his darling date for the Christmas dance last night. 

And two fabulous groups ready for an incredibly fun night. 

I loved, loved, loved taking all of their pictures tonight. It's kind of my favorite thing.

My darling oldests

These two darlings of mine went to the Christmas dance tonight. It was girls' choice and
Annie asked the nicest boy and Campbell was asked by such a darling girl. It was pretty
crazy for me to see them both going to the same dance. I was asked to take pictures
by the girls of each group, so I'm pretty excited to share those, but in the meantime,
I'm just loving these pictures of two darling siblings that are just really close friends.

And a great big thanks to Annie's friends (who happen to be sisters) for letting me hire
them to do her hair and makeup. They stepped in with their amazing talents where I have
none. I'm such a fan of good people who are so willing to share their incredible skills.