Always

That last photo was shared before the presidential debate yesterday. Obviously.
But after listening to some inspiring and beautiful words from a church leader I absolutely
adore and then playing It Is Well with My Soul by The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square
(admission: it took multiple times through), I feel calm. And am reminded that God is in
charge. He has earned my trust and He has it. I love my country. And I believe God does
also. He has blessed America and He will continue to do so. My responsibility is to
turn to Him. And He will bring me peace. He always does and He always will.

(Nonetheless, I have grounded myself from any future debates. Good grief, Linn Allen. What were you thinking?)

Happy

One last photo from Sunday night. Because there are a lot of things about life that

make me happy, but sunsets and laughter would definitely be near the top of that list.

{Photo credit: Annie Allen. Laughing credit: Annie Allen.}

My girls

When I took this picture last night, I knew immediately it would be one of my
favorites for all time. I love it so. And these girls of mine a million times more.

Tonight

Sunflowers and sunsets with my girls tonight. Oh I love them a lot. A whole lot.

This man

I love this man so much. This was after he finished coaching his second soccer game of the day
(still had one more to go). As we were leaving, I ran into several friends of mine and we got
talking. And rather than rush me or be impatient at all, he laid down to soak up the sun and
rest a little. And when I was finally finished, he jumped up and insisted on hauling everything
to the car, while asking, "I hope you didn't feel hurried at all, because I wanted you to have as
much time as you wanted to talk." Jacob Allen is the best. I just really love being married to him.

God is awake

When the world feels strange and keeps getting stranger; when the divisive, unkind, ridiculousness
of what is happening in our country makes me feel tired and frustrated and discouraged; when people
I love are struggling and hurting and feel a little lost; I look out at the sunset and remind myself that God

is in control. And that is enough. More than enough. As Victor Hugo once wrote, "Have courage for

the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished

your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." God is indeed awake. I'm just so grateful for Him.

Love

 
I've been thinking a lot today about what matters and what doesn't. And this picture Grace
asked me to take a couple of days ago feels like it sums up my conclusion quite nicely.

Homecoming

Homecoming group pictures for our Matt boy and darling Edie. They are just the cutest and I love that this huge group of friends is just so happy and hilarious and has the best time together. (Photos courtesy of one of the other moms and I'm so grateful for them.)

This boy of ours

Homecoming dance for this handsome son of mine tonight. It is a smaller, edited
version of the regular school dance (not hosted by the high school of course), but I'm
so thankful he could go. Because of the pandemic, he missed prom in the spring,

so I was so happy this dance worked out. And can't wait to see the photos of him

with his darling date, who I adore. I just really love Matthew Allen. A lot.

Yesterday (but actually Sunday, when he was home from college)

Turning twenty-one

Happy, Happy Birthday to my incredible Campbell! He is brilliant and hilarious and handsome
and kind and the ultimate optimist. He loves soccer and people and making those around
him laugh and Brasil and serving others and his Savior. It is one of the greatest privileges
of my life to be his mom. Happy Birthday my amazing boy! You are so outrageously loved.

Missing her deeply

It's been an incredibly hard week. Not only because the second anniversary of my Mom's
death was coming up, but mostly, for some other intense and emotional and taxing
reasons, filling up my days and nights, and hurting my heart in ways I wasn't
prepared to handle. Oh life can be rough and the agency of others can sting.

But.

But. These hard seconds and days and weeks (and dang it, sometimes even months
and years) make what the Savior was willing to do for us that much more incredible
and hopeful. It makes my knowledge that He never leaves our side that much more
beautiful. It makes His unimaginable love that much more enveloping and perfect.

Oh I don't deserve Him. But I will thank my Father in Heaven for all of eternity that
the gift of His Son was given to me in spite of that. Actually, likely because of that.

And it is precisely that gift, and my sure knowledge of Jesus Christ as my Savior and Redeemer,
that makes today a little bit easier to bear. It helps me to smile alongside the tears and to pray for
healing that I know He is willing to extend. For this day. For this week. For the second, two years
ago exactly, that my Mom took her last breath and returned home to that God who gave her life.
.
God is good. Jesus Christ is peace. And heaven is real. So very real. And because I know these
three truths to the deepest part of my heart, I will keep trying. Stumbling and falling and running
and skipping, and often clawing, myself forward. To a place that I once knew and lived. And a
Father in Heaven and a Savior who love me beyond imagination. It's where I belong. Always.

Two more years closer to being with you again, Mom. I miss you so much.

Today, this week, this lifetime. Please stay near. Because I'll never stop needing you.

Sacred days

The most sacred three days spent inside these walls. It is such a privilege to be
with those who need it most. Especially those I love like sweet Grandma Dawn.
I believe God put me on this earth to show love, especially to some very specific
people. And then He gives me these amazing opportunities to do that
in some really special ways. I just feel so thankful and humbled.

And my incredible family. They never once, during all three of the twelve-hour
days, acted like it was a problem to step up or help or have me gone during some
important moments. And Jacob, oh I love that man I married. So supportive and
encouraging and protective and kind and good to me. I'm so honored to be his.

Life is hard. Life is wonderful. Life is good. I'm so grateful I get to
experience mortality. Even when it breaks my heart a little. Or a whole lot.
It is still amazing and hopeful and full of opportunities to love.

Never forget

"People across the United States rediscovered the need for God and turned to Him for solace

and understanding. Comfortable times were shattered. We felt the great unsteadiness of life
and reached for the great steadiness of our Father in Heaven. And, as ever, we found it."

~Thomas S. Monson

Yesterday

Turning seven

Happiest Birthday to my sweet Gracie girl! She is happy and brave and hilarious and brilliant and
good. She loves unicorns and mermaids and princesses and dancing and drawing and her family.
I'm just so thankful to be her momma, I could burst. Happy Birthday baby girl! We love you like crazy.

Windy much?

Well now. That seems like a natural tilt to the gigantic trees in our backyard.

 

 

 And the result of such a strong, prolonged wind...

 

Not exactly the way we planned to spend the rest of our Tuesday afternoon.

This was after I wiped most of the flour off

A friendly game of rock paper scissors with an extra incentive not to lose. Which I did. Lose that is.

Our little dancer

We've been hesitant to move dance studios for Grace, because we love the one she's been
at for the past couple of years. But her friends have been asking her to join them for so
long, we decided to give it a try. And when I look at these three darlings, all excited
to dance together, I realize having friends in your dance class is a pretty great thing.

And college begins

First day of college for my two favorite university students yesterday. They found
out they have a shared class together on Monday. Which they didn't know until
the class was about to begin. Hilarious and awesome. I just really love them.

Bootless

This handsome boy of the gigantic shirt, who is so obediently putting away his clean
clothes, went to a doctor appointment today where he was told his medical boot was no longer
required. One tendon surgery, one week in a splint, four weeks in a cast and on crutches
and five weeks in a boot and he is finally down to an ankle brace for just a bit longer.

I'm truly beyond impressed and proud of Matt for his attitude this summer. It was just kind of
the worst, but he was truly amazing, even when it just really stunk. Love this boy so, so much.
Even if when I asked him if he wanted to smile for this picture he said, "Nah, I'm good."

Fall soccer and fabulous coaches

Fall soccer has begun for the white tigers, the green unicorns and the golden boys. Bring it on.

And the kids coach...this handsome man. And yes, I mean all three teams.
With his constant travel for years, coaching more than one soccer team has never
been an option. But since he can't travel right now, he decided to be an even more
amazing dad than he already is and coach three different teams. He's the best.
At coaching. At fathering. At husbanding. I'm so grateful him.
And that goatee of his...me gusta. Mucho.

College life

And then these lovely cheese wads went down to BYU yesterday.
One to stay and one to take care of a few things that needed to be done
before returning home tonight to start her remote BYU learning next week.

Can I just say having a child leave to live on their own, but within the same state and
available through phone or text, is kind of the best? The last time we did this going
away thing was a teeny tiny bit traumatic for a certain mother I know. But this one?
I highly recommend. I love that my kids want to live away and handle their own life,
but my getting to see and hear from them regularly isn't the saddest part of that equation.

Another first day of school

First day of {covid-style} school for these darlings. It's going to be a good year. 

Eleventh, seventh, third, first.